There is no End.

Depart. Its two strangers meeting in the cold. Overcoats and stuff. Stubble (2 day). Cigarettes. Many. Sunken cheeks. Overcoat 1 carries a gun. Overcoat 2 carries a heart. Not his). Did I mention they’re standing on the terrace of a 60 storied scraper(sky). Did that story just change for you? Did the end suddenly become that one of them plunges to his death? Well you’re wrong that’s not how this story ends (both plunge to their death actually)

Overcoat 1 is actually not alone. He’s brought an accomplice who’s hiding behind the loft. See. He set up this meeting so he can put one man behind the loft, one on the terrace next door and etc. Does. Etc bother you? Do you think he’s the Deus Ex Machina that will show up towards the end (it’s a she) . Well you just got to ask yourself more important questions than etc who? Like why is Overcoat 2 carrying a heart. More importantly why are overcoat 1 and 2 wearing overcoats in January. It’s in the middle of summer here In fair Southern Hemisphere we lay our scene where; a lot of uncivil blood is going to make uncivil hands unclean (Just the fact that I used that line as a bow to W.S makes me feel like Tarantino paying homage to grindhouse)

The heart. Yes the point of it all was the heart. This isn’t some cock-a-mania heart in the body. Overcoat 2 is actually carrying a heart. It’s in a little freeze box to keep the sun out. + Overcoat 1 and Overcoat 2 are in love with each other. Or so Overcoat 2 would like to think (overcoat 2 could be a woman).

Why they choose the setting is beyond you isn’t it. Why have overcoat 1 put accomplices on the roof of the other building. Can you trust the narrator?

Panic

I am sorry for the hurried note but I don't have much t9ime and its all shutting down like the electricity, the battery, I don't know about ti which makes this note even more urgent because I have this message for you and humanity.

Maybe I should breathe and tell you about my plight because without the plight everything will not make sense. Believe me . Please. I don't have video, I could have shown you I look just like that day when you ripped my heart from the ribcage and looked me int eh eye with that glee. The monster. It has the same glee but my heart beats fast in the rib cage. My legs are chewed up the tendons ligaments all lie shredded knee downwards, its like I have wires commander, wires running out of my knees but wait who is this? Please listen,; I got this message to tell you but I want her not you. Is the battery there? I am typing to a blank screen I hope you are seeing this
I just think there is some juice I see a light blinking. Oh god know! no there is soething the crashing. I don't want to die. Why did we let it go. Are you understanding this is my last message. I feel mutated. I dream about bus. 's that bus ride we took. Not with commander but with you. We sat at the tope of the double decker and we ooked out at the ski and remember that black cloud we thought was Chernobyl it was us!!! we created it. Melted down like the ships. Saddest about the ships. Those poor dogs. The real dogs. That afghan hound bleeding..remember? we took care of it and it turned on us. Why??I used to leave the home to visit that hole we buried it in. Its all inconsequential now. I wish this screen would flicker and I could see it once that pretty face of yours.
So much pain. Its' cold now that water, oh god it touches the knees I feel the sharp pain. Don't look back now keep walking I know these letters are coming through. You are the choosen now you have to turn that dial. Its here the MONSTER IS heRE! Just remember what I told youtfvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

If Yoda was human...

A collection of great one liners from a bunch of mails received today from the same guy

I think better we verbally talking about it, in order I get what you expect are

I’m thinking to drop you email, and suddenly your email was coming

Some colleagues potentially contact with her on that time (or in a day before).

We working at same place, and people interaction frequency during working hour in between both organisation is quite high.

If any more advise is welcome.

We just request for more clear.

Uuuups.

Adrian Mole - The Prostrate Years

If you read this old note I wrote when I bid farewell to Adrian Mole you'll know that my joy knows no bounds to discover this book sitting nice and pretty on a book shelf in Kino.

I've had a surprisingly erratic year with reading. I started to put down a top 10 list of books for the year and realized that I've possibly read just ten this year. Oh well since I'll be in prison for a month in February I guess I'll catch up then but for now I'm going to enjoy Adrian Mole's Prostate.

You go Sue Townsend don't give up on us. Hope you finish the continuing deconstruction of the life of Adrian.

Holy Fuck!

Its like that guy I met who blew all his fingers out when a grenade blew up in his hand while he was doing some good old poll - booth capturing. and this is true. The mofo blew all his fingers off except for his middle finger.
He doesnt care! He still shakes your hand. Imagine. Imagine what it does to you when he reaches out his hand to shake yours and you in your open friendly way reach out for a firm handshake only to grab a palm with a middle finger it's a mind fuck. Picture it. All of 5 ft. 5' 2 day stubble mole on cheek, that hair my Mum calls Marwari hair (it's all oily straight, needly like and they have to keep flicking their head to get the hair out of their eyes) that fake Versace T-shirt that would do Kasab proud and those white sneakers. White sneakers, this piece of work just mind fucked you with his finger - how is your self esteem ever going to return . He's mocking you. He's taking revenge on the world everyday by shaking hands. I mean what better way than to say fuck you than to reach out your middle finger and get someone to grab it and shake it.
Brutal. He should be shot (twice) .

No wait there's more. You should then chop of his hand and put it in a museum embalm it like that priest fuck in Goa, let people come 100 years from now and stare in wonderment at Saint Fuck You's hand of Fuck

We are who we are

Why do I have to do it? Why change it? Why change me? Why do I need to conform? Social structure can kiss my skinny ass. I don't care that I don't have the things I am supposed to have. I don't care about a silver spoon, I'm sorry I spent time getting educated. Go ahead take me for a ride, Enjoy it. I won't get rid of that or this or you we'll suffer together. I am not going to grow up because I already have and this is me. No more no less. Me. I can't suddenly be someone else. You're messing with the ecological system here. Lovelock? Remember? Nature always fights back. Let it run free. It ain't hurt me till now and it aint going to hurt me later when I become old and need things and stuff. Well I ain't old now. So let ME regret it later do not regret it for me now. It's messing me up. Look at the girls. Look at them. From their conservative families where the dad kept you in check with his cock and cane, look at what you did with their trust? Competing with Filipino maids on a friday night for some white cock while your pussy gets discussed at touch rugby the next day. Look at the prim and proper act you are putting up. I have met your parents and no they ain't got no class therefore you don't have any class and no I've not read that book because it was fucking boring and you know it you dumb bitch. I know you've sucked cock more than Khajurao it's written all over your face. I see it. Wake up and do something. Snap out of it. Scream it out. Why isn't it here? I've been waiting for it for so long. It's just not here. It's just waiting somewhere like loneliness and hunger. Just fucking waiting. Mundane routine. Just scream. No. Just stand there like a packed little sardine and spend all your time looking. It all goes like this year. So fast. You're getting older and things aren't going anywhere they've remained the same but again don't mess with the ecological system because (refer para 1)
I'm at a crossroad, A juncture. It's very important we stay the course. Holding the line is not an option because we destroyed the line. The line is wrapped in a 100 dollar bill on its way up your nasal passage.
I hate it. I know it and I hate it but If I say something I lose. Maybe you are right. Maybe I am crazy. Kook. The Kooks. Maybe for a minute if you could look from this side of the looking glass maybe I see you crazy.

Its a dumb ass profession look in the mirror you're just secure in the knowledge that Daddy's little piggy bank will take care of things once you've failed. Destined to might I add. I got this tightrope yes. I can't fall but I still got to run free right. I ain't got no little piggy bank but I am my own man...and when I look inside I see a big shiny god shaped whore.
Frustrating that I have to be regarded as the fuck-up and not you. I don't think so at all. Okay maybe sometimes there is a fuck up but not like a massive fuck up like your life.
You dont' even realize it but (refer Para above) I hate it but if I say it I lose.



I'll be fine

Top 20 Songs of the Year

1. Assassin - John Mayer. - Easily the sexiest moodiest song of the year. Battle Studies is a top top CD.
   
2. Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap - Like I said it's exhilarating.
   
3. We are the People - Empires of the Sun. This years MGMT. Need I say more.
   
4. Lucid Dreams - Franz Ferdinand - The last three minutes of this song is pure gold.
   
5. Moment of Surrender - U2 - I really don't understand the criticism. No Line is a brilliant albumn
   
6. Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer. So many recent memories attached to this song
   
7. Fugitive - David Gray - The first single from Gray's seminal CD Draw the Line His voice is as comforting as hearing an old friend after a long time. The Annie Lennox duet Full Steam Ahead just misses the cut
   
8. Meet me at the Equinox - Death Cab for Cutie - The best song on the New Moon Soundtrack (readers please note this is the last time I will praise anything related to the Twilight series)
   
9. Winter - U2 . OST. Brothers - How in GOD's name did this song not make the cut on NLOTH???
   
10. Stellify - Ian Brown - Love the video. Love the song. Ian Brown's a modern god.
    
11. Walking on a Dream - Empires of the Sun
12. Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeah's - Best dance number of the year hands down
    
13. World to Me - David Gray - On the live CD that comes along with the Gray CD
    
14. Four Letter Word - Gossip - Funk. Love this fat girl's voice
    
15. Carol Brown - Flight of the Conchords - Funniest bittersweet song this year. Love the nod to Paul Simon in the song
    
16. Bull Black Nova - Wilco - Love the last couple of minutes. Those guitars go crazy
    
17. Underdog - Kasabian. If you recall the Kaka Sony ad you'll know this song. West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum is a really good CD
    
18. Life in Technicolor II - Coldplay - Fell in love with the song during the Coldplay concert was my favourite song in the beginning of the year but as 1 -17 show... memory is a very here and now thing
    
19. White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes (cheated a bit, it's from last year but god I've loved this song)
20. Ulysses - Franz Ferdinand. If this doesn't get you dancing you mean nothing to me.
    

If Holden was 60...

Read's just like something Holden Caulfield would say...

What the hell does it all mean anyhow? Nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nothing comes to anything. And yet, there's no shortage of idiots to babble.
Not me. I have a vision. I'm discussing you. Your friends. Your coworkers. Your newspapers. The TV. Everybody's happy to talk. Full of misinformation. Morality, science, religion, politics, sports, love, your portfolio, your children, health. Christ, if I have to eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day to live, I don't wanna live. I hate goddamn fruits and vegetables. And your omega 3's, and the treadmill, and the cardiogram, and the mammogram, and the pelvic sonogram, and oh my god the-the-the colonoscopy, and with it all the day still comes where they put you in a box, and its on to the next generation of idiots, who'll also tell you all about life and define for you what's appropriate. My father committed suicide because the morning newspapers depressed him. And could you blame him? With the horror, and corruption, and ignorance, and poverty, and genocide, and AIDS, and global warming, and terrorism, and-and the family value morons, and the gun morons. "The horror," Kurtz said at the end of Heart of Darkness, "the horror." Lucky Kurtz didn't have the Times delivered in the jungle. Ugh... then he'd see some horror. But what do you do? You read about some massacre in Darfur or some school bus gets blown up, and you go "Oh my God, the horror," and then you turn the page and finish your eggs from the free range chickens. Because what can you do. It's overwhelming! I tried to commit suicide myself. Obviously, it didn't work out. But why do you even want to hear about all this? Christ, you got your own problems. I'm sure your all obsessed with any number of sad little hopes and dreams. Your predictably unsatisfying love lives, your failed business ventures. "Oh, if only I'd bought that stock! If only I-if only I purchased THAT house years ago! If only I'd made a move on THAT woman." If this, if that. You know what? Gimmie a break with your could have's and should have's. Like my mother used to say, "If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley car." My mother didn't have wheels. She had varicose veins. Still, the woman gave birth to a brilliant mind. I was considered for a Nobel Prize in physics... I didn't get it. But, you know, its all politics. It's like every other phony honor. Incidentally, don't think I'm-I'm bitter because of some personal setback. By the standards of a mindless, barbaric civilization, I've been pretty lucky. I was married to a beautiful woman who had family money. For years we lived on Beekman Place. I taught at Columbia. String theory.
-- Larry David's opening monologue in the Woody Allen directed 'Whatever works'

Father and Son

In an earlier post I wrote about that magical mystery morning climbing a hill in Ooty. Dad today pulled out the photograph and sent it to me.

APSD and CPSD in 1984:

Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap

Sweet Disposition is the best song I have listened to this year. I picture sketches becoming huge architectural marvels, cities being born. People in a mad cap rush. The heart bursts out of the rib cage and makes it soar.

The frantic tempo of the song is superlative. Just a great song everyone must listen to.

It's a tough CD to find but the album its from - Conditions is a top collection of ten songs with some gems like Fader and Love lost. But this disposition number is the stand out song.

Do that mood of yours a big big favor and listen to the song on loop. Guaranteed to make your lunch hour super.

...even cold November rain...

Would you believe its been a year since Project 100 ?. Time. 370 days and where are we? The writing is gone now. Sporadic bursts sometimes that those couple of loyal readers come back to read. Apart from that its been quiet. Regret mostly. A writing skill built over two years just left to rust and now its come apart and the joints.

Creaky, old like an abandoned school playground. The outlines of that once glowing park are there - the swings, the rungs, the merry go apsd round. But it gathers rust, grass and kate moss grows thick and fast. It rains most days of the year and the children all grown up pass by and look at the park with longing about those good old times.

Potrait of an old , young, whatever

It worries someone I love that she cannot read me. It makes her uneasy that she doesnt know the truth from the story, the heard from the unheard, the said from the not said. I can see why it is inconvenient. My impulses and cold calculating personalities walk together - both don't know which one is going to show their hand. What will I do? contemplate a plot? or let is flow in a burst of exuberance?

I spend too much time by myself. A lot. Hours / days / weeks all by myself. Its like a drug now. The more I try to be a part of something the more I want to pull away and let the thoughts take a free reign of my mind.

So who am I? Am I the charming man people love at the party? or am I the lazy procrastinator who waits for the last minute before a blaze of glory? am I the doting brother? the cold son? the debt ridden schoolboy chewing his nails? am I the passionate man or am I living off borrowed art? am I still the boy who came last in class and cried? or am I cool as ice? am I going to give you a lesson in the art of seduction or am I going to be endearingly clumsy? Nerd or jock? Square or hip?

I run my house, I pay my bills, taxes, take care of everything, solutions for most problems...grown up. I can also throw a tantrum like a 4 year old child. Go days without food and survive on milo because 'food is boring' Have uncontrollable bursts of energy and weeks of not being able to get out of bed.

I just want you to know if it makes you uneasy sometimes not being able to read me.... imagine what I feel like to be living with me all the time.

Tired.

The passenger

We're vessels - our bodies, minds - everything is a vessel. Nothing more nothing less. Just a mode of transportation. Our mortality is certain. You can get rid of those crow feet but the passenger knows. A day will come when the passenger will not need the vessel anymore.

Would the passenger be better off or worn out from the journey? Fight, fuck, fornicate. No end. Chase the money, chase the life, chase the wife, chase - what are we running for? we're vessels.

The most good looking person in the room today - tomorrow just an old cunt rotting away in an old age home. The passenger waits for the vessel to break apart and is set free.

Why this struggle then? It's all time bound no? We're not going to be here tommorow? The passenger does its time like pennies in a jar.

Passion, creativity, enthusiasm - leaving your indelible mark on society. For nothing. The passenger doesn't care. The passenger looks for that other ticket to another journey. We be selfish but that is ironic because within ourselves there is a selfishness of the passenger using us to further its journey.

I hope you see its nothing. Everything is nothing. Because once the darkness sets in the only person who really feels sorry is the person left out on the will.

I am a vessel.

Sadly you are one too.

Where is my mind?

I’m in a dangerous place now. There’s an erosion of self-confidence / worth / esteem and I just didn’t see it coming. It’s made me paranoid, suspicious and fret. All the time. The mind sinks, it ebbs and it bleeds – out of control. The jaw tenses up most of the day. I struggle to sleep - I keep trying to unclench the tightness I feel in my face. I struggle with my emotions – give too much , give too little that all elusive balance is a mirage. Everything’s shut down. I don’t read, haven’t bought a CD in weeks, don’t feel like talking to anyone, don’t feel like going out – films my one true solace has now dissipated into the occasional marathon session of Dexter. Speaking of which even the ever recurring voice in my head has shut down. All quiet.

Small. I feel small insignificant and slow. I’m not quick. The chess game on the computer beats me in 6 moves flat. I don’t run, I don’t swim. I smoke like a chimney and then get giddy and nauseous later. I try to work. I really do. In quick bursts I finish off everything and then the feeling (or the lack of) returns. Placid. Staring at my screen trying to conjure up words to a story - idea I have – nothing zilch. The escape of picking up a new gadget, clothes, cologne leaves me with a feeling that’s similar to nothing. No irritation, no anger. Nothing.

Trapped –– that mind that could conjure up something all the time – it seems to have left me and it scares me that it might not return. My one true companion that always gives me a free ride to neverland has gone. This has never ever happened before.

I feel the need for a human connection. I feel the need to reach out and ask for help and support. I need a crutch. Me. I need one. I can tell you it’s revolting thinking like this but like I said – there’s no feeling.

Got to come back here and write more. Got to let it out .

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?

The year so far - April to September

Mandatorypostbirthdaynote.

1. Turned 29. (28 on paper. In addition to a birth certificate that reads born : 11th September, 1981 Mother also wiped out hospital records as well so its just my word against all the proof). Looking good for a 29 year old (see picture with young Anakin below)
   
2. Oasis broke up...I have not taken the news well
3. Watched them live in April. Started to cry when Noel sang 'The masterplan'
   
4. Frank McCourt died...I did not take the news well
5. Went home after 4 years. Spent 2 days in Hyderabad on me mum's birthday. It was swell. She now wants me to get married and move into the new floor they are building upstairs.
   
6. Met Surbhi , Arun , Renu, Anuj in Bombay. Really great coming home to friends.
   
7. Going on a holiday with them this December
8. Wrote a short story about Jakob Stern the jew who got shipped to a concentration camp a day after he got a Brazilian wax job done on his pubes. Story follows his state of mind as he realizes he has to strip naked and stand with thousands of fellow jews who did not get a Brazilian wax done and how the SS guards see the humour and let him live.
9. Lost my mobile phone.
   
10. Discovered the music of Placebo (Pick up 'Once more with feeling - top CD)
11. Discovered that Ian Brown (lead singer of The stone Roses embarked on a pretty good solo career, love all his music. New CD due out in September)
    
12. Went to Bali
13. Went to Shanghai
    
14. Got brand new impersonations...moved on to the animal kingdom now - can do a Velociraptor, a mole and a pigeon (the raptor is a personal favourite, it's funny and scary)
15. Top 4 shows you can't miss: Mad Men, In-betweeners, Breaking Bad, Dexter, Entourage S. 5
    
16. Top 4 books you got to read: City of Thieves, Fatherland, Of Mice and Men, A special providence
17. Waist size down to 28. Worry? Not worry? (wax on Wax off??)
    
18. Younger brother VPSD and I sorted out stuff. We speak every week now..stuff happens you got to just get on with it...was it Liam who said "Everyone knows that if you've got a brother you're going to fight'
    
19. Lyn got married
20. Joe got married
21. Dad is still obsessed with getting his webcam working so that he can look me in the eye and ask if I am saving money. I miss the old man everyday.
    
22. Rambo the last of our dogs passed away in April after 16 years.... my family hasn't recovered and there are some nights I lie awake and think of him.
23. Kabir - my godson turns a year old this September....his parent's are mortified that their son is a Virgo, bought him an Arsenal t-shirt much to the chagrin of his Chelsea loving father
24. Surbhi is still the coolest 30 year old woman I know.
    
25. Moving into a new apartment soon - it is very cool. I'm going to be like Thomas Crown in my 3 bedroom pad just me surrounded with a lot of cool art.
26. The Singapore chapter is my life comes to an end in 2011.
    
27. Headache problem solved...apparently it wasn't brain cancer ...it was a faulty pillow
28. Fred Perry fan... definitely maybe obsessed
29. Arsenal's season seems to fluctuate from going north to going tit's up. Why doesn't someone fire that moron Bendtner. Arshavin on the other hand is a pure diamond
30. I still struggle with stuff in my head but you know what it's okay.
    
31. I am content, happy and these are easily the best days of my life and I think the relationship I am in plays a huge part in making me feel this way. .... its everything I wanted ....thank you.
32. She says that the top 3 reasons she's with me is because I am funny, smart and sensitive (good-looking does not make the top - 10).
    
33. Top 25 most played:

• Moment of Surrender - U2
  
• Razzmatazz - Pulp.
• Running up the hill - Placebo
  
• Whatever - Oasis
  
• She's a mystery to me - Roy Orbison
• Stellify - Ian Brown
• Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeah's
• Foux da Fa fa - Flight of the Conchords
• Easy to Please - Coldplay
• My Delirium - LadyHawke
• Inbetween Days - the cure
• Who put the weight of the world on my shoulders - Oasis
• Clubfoot - Kasabian
• Song for a friend - Jason Mraz
• The fuse - Bruce Springsteen
  
• Doctor my Eyes - Jackson Browne
• Its' over - Boz Scaggs
• Party Girl - U2
• Teotihucan - Noel Gallagher
• You get what you give - New Radicals
• The mad men theme song - OST Mad Men

It's like that last scene in American Beauty just before Kevin Spacey get's his head blown out....if you know the scene you'll know what I'm talking about.

Anakin and I go for dinner

Piggish

I have to meet a woman regularly who is the exact human version of the picture to your right. Same. Everything. The way she smiles, the way she exhibits joy, the way she gets angry, the way her body fills out her clothes. Same. She’s like a marauding ton of bacon that crushes everything in her path (no serious I’ve seen her walk) Sometimes she flicks on her IPod and does a little jig as she crosses the street. I feel ill just recollecting that ghastly memory.
Sometimes it’s tough to understand what she’s saying. It’s like grunts. Like Monica Seles grunts. Now all I want to do is face-fuck her till she gags on my cock while I coat her esophagus with my cum. I think about it all the time.

How
Do
I
Deal
With
This?

As you see there's no one around....

Dad,

Talk about a long forgotten memory. This is all the way back from 1987. Vishal was a precious two years old and the four of us had gone up to Ooty for a holiday and we lived in that spooky spooky house that belonged to a relative (why did we never go back?). I recall the toy train ride up the hills and how fascinated I was that they had a life size toy train. I remember the house vividly and remember the bare room before the master bed room and how I’d run by the room at top speed to avoid the ghosts from creeping up on me. I remember those cold nights and the smell of the firewood burning in the fire place. I remember those long walks up those hilly sides and that poem mum would keep telling me about how far Delhi was. Because we all were addicted to candy I remember those pit stops at the sweet store at the base of the hill. We’d pack a brown bag full of those hard boiled sweets in their different colours and walk up the house sucking on the sweet. The colours staining our tongues and the sourness making our eyes wink. Sometimes I’d go running into the reeds in a brave attempt to find and kill the monster in the daylight and step in a huge pile of muck. I did this constantly and after a while my shoes just gave up and refused to dry. I had to then wear a pair of blue slippers for the remainder of the holiday.

But that’s not the memory I’m talking about and I wonder if you remember this but one foggy morning you woke me up and took me out for a walk. Just the two of us. You and I walking hand in hand down the road before we chanced upon a little hill around the culvert. We walked up with only the sounds of my slippers flapping against my heel and chanced upon this little clearing. You took your camera out and then lifted me up and made me sit on a rock. Just then a man walked by and you asked him if he could take a photograph of the two of us.

Just in those final seconds you looked at my slippers and told me how absolutely shabby they are going to look in the photo. In that moment I sheepishly grin and try and hide my feet behind your leg and the photo is taken.

Do you remember? Well if you don’t then you should go to my room and that very same photo hangs there above the bed.

Somehow that moment is clear as the fresh early morning air 22 years back.

"....and we don't know just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below
The street heats the urgency of now
As you see there's no one around"

The (old) idiot's guide to dating a (much) younger woman

Suck it up. No matter how much you work out your unappealing stomach is no match for a couple of athletic dim brain 20 year old's who want her as well.
Get Beyoncé, Ne-Yo, Usher on your playlist ASAP coz she's not interested in your music especially if you start your lines with ‘you were 2 when this album came out’
Develop a taste for fast food. Say 'That sounds yummy' when she says 'lets go to McDonalds'. Try not to cringe when she dips her fries in your ice-cream sundae in the middle of an animated conversation
Do not get into an argument with her. She's way faster with coming up with stuff. Instead be Zen like and nod your head like a zombie whenever you are asked a question. Nod a lot. Tilt your head sideways like George Clooney and nod the fuck out of your head.
Dump the ray-bans that's for 60+ lot (Sorry Dad) . Get Oakley's look serious. Remember the only reason she likes you is because you’re old and crusty so play it up.
When she is running up a flight of stairs do not follow in a giddy puppy dog like way. Because:
a) you'll reach the top wheezing and panting
b) Old men running behind young girls is just so wrong.
Instead walk with a casual gait that does not put too much pressure on the knees.
Don't start sentences with 'In my experience' nobody wants to listen to a old bald fuck give his two cents.
Get with it. Know the nightclubs in town. Befriend the bouncers and casually drop lines like 'last night at Attica...'
Stop for god's sake drinking Shandy's. and while we’re on the topic no one gives a fuck about your 1-1 appletinis. Instead get a cool drink like a gin & tonic and always try to stay at least 4 drinks behind her and don't try keeping up because there's nothing more embarrassing than being dropped home and put to bed.

Be careful

Quit. But see it knit into a quilt on a day of Bloomingdales.
Green but rabbit all around
Cryptic but lost in the sound
Meaning who knows
Muddled but wandering
Lost but searching
Found but gone there
Quilt. Food on the table
Flute..glasses. Clink.
Chinks in her armor
Got a question but I got a dancer
Word I speak. Centre of attention
Dimension. Push. Night light.
Blur. Music is her radar
Sad. Waking up in a hotel room
Panic.
Panic
Panic
Careful. Carefree. Hold on Hold steady
Bee-Bop. Rock Steady
Ramble. Cadaver
Not your average lover
Flower. Gopher. Loafer
Quit. Panic. Routine
Lazy. Move on. Wake up
Sleep. Night. Day hours.
Pillow. Wine. Music
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Eat. Live. Pity.
Selfish. Panic. ,Panic>
Ctrl. Alternate. Vanish
Joke. Lost. ^Worth
Self.
Will
Got it? Lost it?
No. Yes. Who?
Cares! Syntax.
Error. Panic.
Panic.
McPhisto
Get it Get it
Panic. Quit. Restart.
Formidable
Horse in the stable
Drinks on me.
No. See.
Wait .
Please. Wait.
Message ends
Decipher. Code. Yes?

Rant

If we got to start with a beginning to explain when the rot set in let’s start now. Of course there is no real beginning, middle and end as any time traveler will tell you. There are spaces in time and spaces where your face used to be. Most days I wake up with a space. The early morning is the hardest and its not because of drugs, alcohol or any substances its because the last night you’ve left the air conditioned remote at a far away place and spent an hour deliberating whether you should wake up and get it or just lie there shivering. You’ve now woken up to the worst song on the player. I’m still lying in bed staring at the remote that is so far away. Franz Ferdinand asks Elanor to put her boots on. I rather do Blonde on Blonde. Every inch of my throat is screaming at the shell I have trapped myself in. It is said a hermit crab goes out of his way to make his shell a fine place to live. Well bollocks! The shell is freezing cold and any minute my fingers may fall off from frost bite.

Soon I’ll get ready to go to office…wake up for the morning commute. Walk to the train station like an android, mix with other cyborgs on the train, and stare with a deep sense of revulsion at someone’s mole cluster at the base of their neck. Little ugly raised dots screaming for attention and getting every decibel of it. The air conditioned air permeated with a heady mix of perfume cologne sweat, sweat and more sweat. Is it a crime to want to feel alive? It is. Just shut the fuck up…no shut the fuck up and be quiet, don’t forget to put your blinkers on and relax it ain’t worth it.

What will it be today? What will be the one thing that will excite you? Your 4 miles running? The exquisite scrambled eggs on toast you make? The playlist you choose? The music you buy? The exquisite going nowehere prose you write for nobody? The cup of tea you bought only to rid yourself of all the change? The banter with the sandwich lady? The staring at your mailbox wishin someone would write a long letter that you can then ignore?

You wanted the better life? Better than the good life? But the good / better / best are no different from the miserable life you ran away from.

Cash for votes

In less than a week my country goes to the polls. The largest democracy in the world will attend the 15th general election and another pull & tug will start at the centre. Seats will all cost a bomb. Parties holding half dozen parliament seats will be known as kingmakers. So it goes.

Meanwhile in the slum close to my house its life as usual. Meena our maid will still wake up at 5 in the morning to fill her two buckets of water. She will then boil some rice and wake her diabetic daughter up and give her the medication that will keep her alive well into her early twenties (she's about 15 now). She will then wake her husband up who will spend the rest of the day smoking beedis at the nearby hooch stall.

Meena is asked in jest if she is going to be voting in this election. She nods in agreement. She will exercise her right to vote yes. But it comes at a cost. The going rate for the people who reside in the slum that's ironically called Gandhinagar will each vote at the price of Rs. 200 (that's about $ SGD 6) per person + one plate of the famous Hyderabad Biryani. As election date nears the sum of Rs. 200 will become Rs. 220 and the word chicken will be added to the Biryani.

...6 dollars and a plate of food and another corrupt politician gets to become the sitting member of Parliament from the constituency. Over the next five years he will ensure that not only him but his whole extended family + sycophant's also die rich people. Meanwhile for Meena, she just goes back to her life washing dishes and cooking food in our house and waiting for the water supply to come, the roads to be paved and the death of her daughter.

The largest democracy in the world or a scam of the largest kind.

This is my country.

"I don’t really think there’s anything left to vote for. I believe that I, as a person, can only change things once every 5 years and that’s by voting, and my point is that even casting that vote means that the same guy gets in, the only difference is one has a red tie and the other has a blue one. That’s all it means.” - Noel Gallagher.

A retired Jedi knight writes....

Dad has a very interesting message on his facebook page. It reads:

"The welfare and future of my country & my flag..did I fight for the flag in vain? for some petty politician to barter away the interests of my country??!!"

Did he fight in vain?

If we've seen further...

Speaking to an old friend of mine this morning. Questions eventually veered to family and I asked him how the old man was doing. You see his dad was the coolest class teacher I ever had. I still remember those cold wintry mornings when he'd come into class with a copy of As you Like It, and just a waist coat nonchalantly worn to protect him from the biting cold.

A life dedicated to teaching. It got me thinking about my other friends fathers. Doctors, Lawyers, Bank managers, Police Officers, Income Tax, IAS officers, construction and the occasional corporate lot (what most of us became)

On their meager salaries they planned holidays in Goa, bought that fancy colour TV, put that precious savings in the stock market only to watch it disappear in the big scam of 92 and then built it back again, put the children through expensive schools, sent them abroad, paid the mortgage and gave their family a life that they as children didn't have or just didn't know...there was no starting point was there? they just got on with it.

For years they stayed in the same job, most retiring after 25 years of service possibly doing the same thing they did when they started albeit with more responsibilities. These were our nation builders.

They took the morning commute and worked and worked, oh sure they complained (doesn't everybody?) but they worked in a time where there were no evolved laws on Health Safety, Abuse, Harassment (the first one came about only in the UK in 1974 and the other countries picked it up via the ILO conventions only in the 80's) and we gave them grief for not spending time with the family or grief about the difference between sports shoes for tennis and sport shoes for basketball.

They sacrificed their own dreams so that you could be reading this in your fancy office, on your fancy laptop and drive your fancy car when, most of his adult life he's spent slogging it on a scooter and a motorcycle.

Should we be thankful / grateful or should we worry about the demands our kids will put on us because with the life we lead buying the kid a PS2 is what parenthood has become.

You got to say you are the solid person you are due to what he did in his lifetime. We've seen further only because we stood on the shoulders of giants

The flag is at half mast

So it went one Saturday evening with the Sex and the city girls (they talk about breasts, sex and vagina names while I sweat)

Asian Samantha goes: " So since I date an American my pussy is.... Sam (confused face on Arab Bradshaw)
Asian Samantha: Like Uncle Sam you know ...for American...you know Sam .....
Asian Bradshaw: Oh! Ha Ha oh yeah that makes my pussy.....
Asian Samantha: Jack
Asian Bradshaw: Uh.....
Asian Samantha: Like Union Jack....you know British.
Asian Bradshaw: Oh! Ha Ha ha.

and I went back home with a gloomy forecast for us Indian men...the reason the Brits and the Americans get so much action is because their Asian woman fucking brand their pussies with fancy names like Sam and Jack. (you know what's coming next...)

this means that any woman who sleeps with an Indian guy will 'proudly' call her pussy (wait for it) (just a little bit more.....) Mother India

Mother India.

...we're doomed for failure

Happy Birthday old man

To watch this photo and to see you with your hair all white and that all knowing look of serenity on your face makes me cry.

Cry with happiness and joy and so much sadness as you run the last lap of your 16 year life. I love you and think about you everyday my friend.

My favorite mornings were when I'd wake up on a cold winter's day to see you curled up at the edge of the bed and how you'd on those rare morning give me a rare lick with that salami soft tounge of yours.


Happy 16th Birthday Rambo Beau

Why March is sexy?

Got promoted
Watched Jason Mraz live
Watched that ex singer from Morcheeba called Skye Live and told her I loved her and she said we could be friends
Found more people to hate
Found more people to hate me
Watched Coldplay Live
Got a hefty bonus
Met new people
The Tomlinson's Rock
The Srivastav's Rock
Clocked 8 km a day running
U2 came out with a super CD
I discovered the best sandwich store in the world
I was patient with a situation and let it pass....it's a recorded first
I got invited for loads of home cooked meals
I finally learnt how to operate a microwave
I finally bought a king - sized bed and it hasn't bitten me yet
Arsenal is back in form and I think we're going to win the Championship League
The King of playlists sent a song that blew my mind
I watched In Bruges which easily makes it to my top 10 movies of 2008.
I think my colleagues are the nicest people to work with
I love my job
I got an additional S added to my already complicated designation
I fight carbon footprints for a profession
I fell in love with the book Gomorrah by Roberto Saviano
I fell in love with the book The Revenge of Gaia by James Lovelock
I straightened my hair and now look like Douglas Jardine from the Bodyline TV series
I learnt how to cook a new dish
I discovered the joys of Organic Low fat milk
Two close friends are getting married in May
I got a second chance to excel academically and I took it and made something of it
I got two bosses
Both are cool
A father arrives in two hours to spend a whole week with his son who thinks he is the coolest person on Planet Earth

I'm guessing March was good for you as well.

The dream Oasis set

When Oasis dig out their soul for us in a couple of weeks if they play even half of my dream set I promise to be happy and cheerful till the end of the year.

The dream set:

• Fucking in the Bushes
• Go let it out
• Don't look back in anger
• Champagne Supernova
• Acquiesce
• She's electric
• The Hindu Times
• Song Bird
• Do you know what I mean
• The shock of the lightning
• Bag it up
• I'm outta time
• Hello
• Roll with it
• Wonderwall

B y my count that's just 45 minutes of music and they're going to play for about 90 minutes so if they bring out all their old classics I swear I'm going to weep tears of happiness.

On DVD: The Proposition

'When?' said the moon to the stars in the sky
'Soon' said the wind that followed them all
'Who?' said the cloud that started to cry
'Me' said the rider as dry as a bone
'How?' said the sun that melted the ground
and 'Why?' said the river that refused to run
and 'Where?' said the thunder without a sound
'Here' said the rider and took up his gun
'No' said the stars to the moon in the sky
'No' said the trees that started to moan
'No' said the dust that blunted its eyes
'Yes' said the rider as white as a bone
'No' said the moon that rose from his sleep
'No' said the cry of the dying sun
'No' said the planet as it started to weep
'Yes' said the rider and laid down his gun

From the phenomenal Guy Pearce movie called The Proposition, the lines are whispered throughout the movie and at the end is played as a beautiful violin filled song. The movie written by Nick Cave (yep the singer) and set in the Australian wilderness of the early 20th century the movie is fantastic ride into the wilderness with beautiful sun drenched scenes. It moves slow and then there's a sudden burst of violence that is so real you can almost reach out and wipe the blood off (or maybe I just have a real good television)

Highly recommended

Andrei Arashvin has arrived

My last note on the EPL ended with hope on the Gunner's turning around the season with the help of Andrei Arashvin. 5 games on he's been slinky as a fox working those chances in for the asshole Nicolas Bendtner (yup he didn't score tonight as well) but for all his chances he didn't have the dream debut Samir Nasri has ...a goal in his first match (but surprisingly bland since the matches against ManU and Chelsea)

Tonight Andrei Arashvin announced his arrival to the English Premier league in a 4-0 thumping of Blackburn rovers. What a match! Arashvin scored the first goal in a mess of bodies but the second one....oh man! the second was pure class he weaved in and out a russian rope-a-dope and bang top corner. He then helped Eboue (poor chap's been out of form and everyone's been yelling at him) score the third a penalty courtesy a Carlos Vela trip-up (thanks Rover's our confidence is back! and Van Persie didn't even play!)

A little bit about Arashvin...he tucks his football t-shirt into his shorts, he has a diploma in designing clothes for women (are you choking just yet?) he er.. claims he did it to met women. Smart. He comes from a family of extreme poverty. His wife flies in a hairdresser from Russia to cut his hair so that he maintains his style and did i mention...Arsene Wenger is a genius for persevering through the blacktape of Zenit Petersberg to bring him on to the world stage.

Super....and oh yeah Liverpool beat Manchester United 4-1 and I haven't seen Sir Alex this red.

The league is all open between the top three and my gunners are going all the way in the Championship League...the return of the Invincibles is just a matter of time

Film Review: Last Chance Harvey

Look at it as 'Before Sunrise' with senior citizens. This is the first Dustin Hoffman film I've watched in a theatre (on a side note De Niro and Pacino get all all the top press but Hoffman has strangely stayed under the radar) and while the movie is very light (it's all about Harvey's last chance) Emma Thompson and Hoffman are a joy to watch.

There's these two scenes I really like. Its the one after Harvey's been told by his daughter that she's going to ask her step-father to give her away at the wedding. Harvey stands alone in the bathroom adjacent to his reflection in the mirror, you can feel his pain.

The other is just before Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman are about to enter the reception and all you see are there sillhoetes against the bright lights from the ball-room and in those seconds it captures the hesitancy and nervousness of the two characters.

Recommended, especially after the heavy on the head Boy with pajamas

Film Review: The boy in striped Pajamas

Out of the tired and beaten to death genre of holocaust and World Warr II movies that came last year (The reader, Valkyrie, Australia) the Boy in Striped Pajamas is a stand out film. I say stand out because the two 8 boys playing eight year old on either side of a concentration camp fence are amazing actors. The expressions on the German boy’s face as he comes to understand that his father is a monster or the curiosity with which he views the smoke coming from the chimneys’ shows the slow unfolding of the boy’s innocence into a stark adulthood. The boy in the concentration camp is a study in sadness and their chemistry lights up this film.

I did not see the end coming. It is unexpected and you feel deflated. The last shot in a room full of clothes says so much though no words are spoken and you are left a mute observer as the film closes.

Highly recommended.

Coming in April: Oasis Live in Singapore

Man you got to love the recession. That's the only explanation for why so many top acts are coming to town they ain't fillin up any stadiums in the rest of the world. Dig out your soul made it in my list of top 10 albumns of last year and I own their entire discography, live shows, the T-shirt and the kitchen sink , now, I'll finally get to watch my second favourite band live! just a couple of blocks away. fucking amazing.

I just booked my tickets and we're going to take one lucky girl along to definitely maybe talk to a songbird.

I've died and gone to heaven.

No line on the horizon

How, do you do a 'review' of a band that has been with you through all the good times, the down and out times, the depressing times, the happy times for more than half of my life? How? Well you don't. Your personal heroes are never up for a review especially an instant coffee one.

Over the past week I didn't take a snap call on the new U2 albumn calling it a classic or a failure because this band deserves a respect like no other. Their music and lyrics have hit chords deep within. I have learned more about life as I have delved on a U2 song more than any life experience...most song of theirs finds a place in the soundtrack of my life.

Ever wondered why, when you watch a U2 concert their are always a majority of people in their twenties in the audience? How is it that as the band grows older are they able to continue to appeal to younger and younger people. All through the decades they have something that has appealed to the young men and women that no other band has been able to capture.

So even their bad songs (do listen to Pop, there's plenty on it which is goddamn awful) gets a fair listen time and again and its because of that the song 'Please' from Pop is on my top 10 list of favourite U2 songs of all time. So with a feverish excitement that I feel very rarely I unwrapped the CD from its super packaging - complete with a 32 page booklet, an Anton Corbijn Film, a surreal U2 poster and fonts and colours that hits you like a bomb. The end thank yous mention Jay-Z, Green Day and the mandatory Save Burma, contribute to the Red campaign and all. I started it out with No line on the Horizon and ended with Cedars of Lebanon.

I was transfixed. I heard it again...liked it more and then played it all night after I jacked my headphones into the player and knelt by it and listened (like someone once said 'if you want to kiss the sky better learn how to kneel, on your knees boy') and then played it every hour I could during the week. The music on the CD ... the back-up guys Brian Eno, Danny Lanois show up, Will.I.am shows up on the keyboard for a couple of songs and they have arrangements for pianos, guitars and keyboards from an assortment of I'm sure very talented people ..just like Achtung Baby did.

Their travels across Europe to record the albumn presents a wonderful smorgasbord of the places they stayed and worked at the most visible sounds of a place is noticed on Cedars of Lebanon.

Well a verdict if I can give one...the CD is better than All that you can't leave behind and How to dismantle an Atomic bomb which more mainstream crowd pulling rock music. The failure of Pop made the band go back to their rock roots and that is fair. But after more than 30 years in music U2 is in a place where I wonder if they really care what the listening public feels and so they went back to the studio to experiment and we the U2 loving fans waited to see if they'd turn out a Achtung Baby or a Zooropa or meet their Waterloo in Pop version 1.2

I can't begin to tell you what a classic this album is. Each song grows on you like no other I've heard since I dismantled an Atomic bomb. There are three excellent get the crowd dancing songs - Stand up comedy, Breathe & Get on your boots. Four super super slow numbers - Moment of Surrender, Cedars of Lebanon, Fez - Getting born and White as Snow. The other three - No line on the horizon, Magnificent, I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight and your regular rock songs and one a-w-f-u-l song called Unknown caller. I can't seem to like it no matter how many times I listen to it.

If good music is everything that you think we were given as an escape from the world go buy No line on the horizon....it won't change your life but Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullen & Adam Clayton will try their damnedest. The influence of Bono and The Edge was way too much on the previous two Cds on this one Bass and Drums get an equal footing...they sound like a complete band with all four minds working toward the same line on the horizon.

And as all the hype machine dies down news comes that a new CD by the band may come before the year ends (the band recorded close to 60 songs in their sessions) I'm booking my ticket to go see them live when the tour itinerary comes out. Classic. Sheer genius.

A track wise introduction to the CD:

No Line on the Horizon: Different in its music arrangement from the the song inthe Singles CD I had picked up earlier. She starts with a couple of seconds of ominous sounds before a flash of guitars hit you before Bono's voice hits you, complete with the whoooo ooo owws . Edge's guitar is omnipresent in this one. Best parts of the song is the beginning and the slow down to a twinkle between 2:50 to 3:10 before the songs picks up again.

Magnificent: Larry Mullen shows us who's the boss in the band with a whoop drum set in the beginning before Edge kicks in with his guitar. Top lyrics in the song "only love can leave such a mark, but only love can heal such a scar, justified till we die, you and I will magnify. Moment of Surrender: My favourite song on the CD. Brings back memories of So cruel, With or without you, Walk On and Faraway so close as a Beautiful love song but is a stand alone classic in its own right. Slow, bluesy, the greenlights from a 7-11 are replaced by 'punching numbers into the ATM machine, I could see in the reflection a face staring back at me' What a song! each lyric, each tune hits the mind in the mellowest way possible. "I’ve been in every black hole At the altar of the Dark star My body's now a begging bowl That's begging to get back Begging to get back To my heart To the rhythm of my soul To the rhythm of my unconsciousness To the rhythm that yearns To be released from control...."

Unknown Caller: I can't say I like anything about this song, maybe because Moment of Surrender has just stole all the thunder? Dunno. So I let it pass.

I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight: Belongs on the All that you can't leave behind CD. It's got the same feel of all the music from back then. Bono yells incredulously 'It's not a hill it's a mountain!'

Starts out with a rat-a-tat of information:

"She's a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life
Knows I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

There's a part of me in chaos that's quiet
And there's a part of you that wants me to riot
Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit
Every sweet-tooth needs just a little hit
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it? "

The Edge's guitar will make you tap your feet like hell.

Get on your boots: I'd written previously about it so I'm not going to repeat but since the CD also comes with the music video I'm hoping you caught the usually immobile Adam Clayton do a little shoulder jig as he plays Bass in the video...it made me smile

Stand-Up comedy: LOVE the vibe this song gives you. It's cheeky and the closest you'll hear Bono rapping and a bit of self mocking thrown in as Bono (all of 5'7" sings "Stand up to rock stars, Napoleon is in high heels Josephine, be careful of small men with big ideas")
The get up and dance number in the CD. Love the bit where he sings "...but while I'm getting over certainty stop helping god across the street like a little old lady.." Bono owns this song.

Fez- Being born: Cant say I love how this song starts, it borrows the 'Let me in the sound' line that ends the pulsating Get on your boots but it's like the song's..well being born before it meanders in the streets of Morocco, its got everything a whole lot of bass, Bono's wails, the guitars and drums taking the song to a super pitch, the song is devoid of lyrics, the focus is on the music. Top song.

White as Snow: It's a 'soppy' love song and I don't do soppy. But The Edge's strumming steals the show. Bono's voice is a low growl and he sounds like he's at the end of a long journey. This awesome French horn courses through the song.
"Where I grew up there were no hills at all, the land was flat, the highway straight and wide
my brother and I, we'd drive for hours, like we'd years instead of days our faces as pale as the dirty snow"

Breathe: And just when you think the band seems to have run out of steam. They bring in Breathe. In my opinion this should have been the track that introduced the CD to the world instead of Boots. The song loops and twists and boy is it good. We are all people borne of sound and this song is a testament to how much sound there is in this CD. The music is textured, there's the usual from the boys but then a cello is thrown in and more keyboards. This band as Bono sings plays a striptease in our heads.

Cedars of Lebanon: And it ends too soon with the classico Cedars. Bono adopts a conversational style as it slips dangerously close to 'If you wear that velvet dress', the sounds of Lebanon come alive frequently in this track.

" Now I’ve got a head like a lit cigarette
Unholy clouds reflecting in a minaret
You’re so high above me, higher than everyone
Where are you in the Cedars of Lebanon?
Choose your enemies carefully ‘cos they will define you
Make them interesting ‘cos in some ways they will mind you
They’re not there in the beginning but when your story ends
Gonna last with you longer than your friend"

It slows the whole pace of the CD down as the song lingers, blurs and disappears ending a fantastic CD. So much time has flown between now and the last albumn. I mean I bought the last one on tape and listened to it in a Walkman frantically rewinding and changing sides....

As we grow old U2 reminds us that we can capture youth at any point of our lives.

Cd review: Franz Ferdinand: Tonight

Franz Ferdinand's earlier CD 'you could have it so much better' was loud...like really. At night if a song from the CD came on you'd wake up and you know while I liked it it was hard to really enjoy it all the time. Apparently someone has had a chat with the boys from Scotland the numbers are still loud but they tone it down considerable and flip in a slow number here and there. Their new CD is fanfuckingtastic. Let's just say after you've had your fill with The Killers Day & Age CD this is almost like a great sequel to play after.

You might be mistaken if you think the track 'Ulysses' is the best number on this fantastic CD. That honor goes to 'Lucid Dreams' (I don't have a link to give you because the version on youtube is a poor version of the track). If you've heard Ulysses on the telly you'll recall that electric purring sound at the end. Well in Lucid dreams Franz Ferdinand gives you a whole 3 minutes of it. Its brilliant really. The song dies out and then comes alive in a pulsating electric purr (you can picture lights go off and on all around you. Super. The cheeky Turn it on is another really good good number before 'No you girls' picks the tempo back again till the band lives up to its Post-Punk revival genre with the song Twilight Omens. Katherine Kiss me slows this CD down beautifully like an old Drifters song and ends a really top-notch CD.

The artwork is brilliant. Just like the cover it has these paparazzi photos catching the band out on a wild night (the albumn is the story of a wild night. I mean you can imagine Ulysees being played as they enter a club and Katherine kiss me the end of the night with the dawn breaking and one of the band members in bed with a woman...who's named Katherine. Smart.)

Highly Recommended. Could go down as the best albumn to play at a party in the first half of the year.

CD Review: Jack's Mannequin: The Glass Passenger

Andrew McMahon the lead singer of Jack's Mannequin was diagnosed with Leukemia and went into intense chemotherapy came out completely cured and wrote this damn good albumn. Don't go expect songs about his struggle instead listen to the spirit of the songs brimming with life. On 'Resolution' JM conjures up memories of 'Boston' by Agustana (this may be due to the Stephanie Myer (writer of the Twilight series) directed video with the ocean playing a big part). Its the #1 song on the CD and I listened to it till ..well I can't stand it anymore and started listening to the other songs in the CD.

The lady at the CD store bounded up to me grabbed me by the arm and said 'YOU got! to listen to this' (don't you love it when people do that?) and by did I listen. 'Caves' is a classic slow and ambling for the first couple of minutes then goes all crash boom with guitars and pianos. Swim is the other solid song on the CD. My personal favourite is the moody 'What gets you off' I love the surreal feeling that the song gives you. Overall the other songs are pretty good too but the songs mentioned above are the best on this 14 track CD. The artwork on the CD is pretty good with lyrics (which have become rare in CDs these days)

Recommended

Film Review: Role Models

Easily the funniest movie from last year. I laughed myself silly from the first 30 seconds when Sean William scott makes Paul Rudd (who is one of the writers of the movie) smell his fingers and says 'Guess who I was with' right up till the end after the LARP (click on the link. I'm a fan! I can't believe such a thing exists! Sign me up). There's not just one funny person in the movie, everyone fills up the screen bringing their laughs. The little kid with the potty mouth gets the loudest chuckles especially when Sean William Scott's character confides to Paul Rudd with a terrified look on his face that he can't be alone with him or when the kid keeps calling Paul Rudd Ben Affleck ('if you're white you're Ben Affleck'). Gosh! Im still chuckling as I write this. Last year was slim pickings with funny movies. The other two that were funny were the Will Ferell comedy Step Brothers, Tropic Thunder and Forgetting Sarah Marshall but Role Models wins the race for most laughs.

It left me feeling light as a feather.... but again I rarely am in a bad mood anymore.

Recommended.

CD Review: James: The Best of

$4. That's all I paid for this CD that I've been looking for a decade. No joke. James I thought completed the holy trinity of great Brit bands from the 90's. Oasis. The Verve and James...that' a music lovers wet dream. (Blur who?) and on a random sale I went weak in the gut when I saw this delicately packed CD sitting there waiting to be picked up. I had picked up their new CD called 'hey Ma' good with some classics like the title track and the R.E.M - Leave inspired ' 72' what a song but overall the tape was about okay and now sits somewhere in my CD collection.

But there stuff from 90's in sheer gold and on their best of tape they have all their hits...all 18 of the most amazing music I've been waiting to get for the longest time. Where do I begin with my favourite song? Is it Coming home? or Laid? or Sit down or Tomorrow (are you getting the drift?) or Say something, or Lose control or is it the frantic Destiny calling. Man! I love this CD it takes your breath away in a torrent of music that makes you want to swing.

Chances of you getting your hands on a CD are incredibly rare so I'm going to do a rare thing, indulge in piracy and burn you a CD. It will be a gift you'll cherish for a long long time.

Just ask.

and oh highly recommended. A CD that will play long into the night in a time capsule.

U2: No Line on the Horizon - First Listen

Do you (like I do) read with amusement about those nimrod Harry Potter fans who organize book readings within hours of the book being released? How these retard kids and (unimaginative) adults sit for hours and read the book in a marathon session (if you are one of them please leave) or read about the (uber-cool) Star wars fans who camp outside the theatre waiting to get in and catch the first show at the earliest?

Well I behave exactly the same way when an U2 albumn comes out. Post Achtung Baby I can clearly tell you where I was and what was I doing the preceding days before Zooropa, U2 Greatest hits, Pop, All that you can't Leave behind, The Best of 90 - 2000, How to Dismantle an atomic bombs & U2 Singles came out. Yep I'm a fan and make no bones about it.

It's been so bad that I have over the course of the last two months woken up in the middle of the night and checked the news on their new CD 'No Line on the Horizon', I've left comments like 'Oh my god! I can't wait' on U2 message boards and got into an arguement with Radio_head68 online over who was the greatest band in the universe.

So with great joy I made my way to HMV this Sunday to pre-order my No line on the Horizon CD. They threw in a free U2 coffee mug and gave me a CD of their single ' Get on your boots' but what was like Christmas morning for me, I discovered that the CD came with another song the Will.I.am produced (I know! I wonder how the band can sleep at night knowing that they gave producing rights to the assholico classico who came up with the asinine 'Baby where did you get your body from? (...from her mom... for the uniformed) who also does backing vocals on the track (all he yells along with Bono is 'No'..truly what a fucker)

So the two songs...well Rolling stones calls the CD their best since Achtung baby and gave it an unprecedented five stars and by the looks of it these two are right up there with their best. I mean take Get on your boots. I listened to a crappy d'loaded version for the better part of February but listening to the smooth preppy track with all the hidden instruments this is a real textured song. I love it. The video is great the concept amazing (give control of the world to women because men have made a massive fuck-up of everything) the lyrics - 'the future needs a big kiss' and the pulsating end 'let me in the sound' awesome stuff.

No line on the horizon is again a great track. Right from the hesitant beginning to the drums kicking in to Bono wailing ' I know a girl who's like the sea' . What a brilliant opener it goes up and then goes down with the Edge's familiar guitar taking it through.

Six days more and along with the rest of the world I will soak in the sounds, music and lyrics of the four boys from Ireland.

I can't wait but I finally see the line on the horizon...

and the Oscar goes to...

* Does not necessarily reflect my top movies and performances for the year

Best Actor: Mickey Rourke for The Wrestler
Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight
Best Actress: Kate Winslet for The Reader
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicky Christina Barcelona
Animated Feature Film: Wall - E
Art Direction: The curious case of Benjamin Button
Cinematography: Benjamin Button
Costume Design: Revolutionary Road
Directing: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire
Documentary Feature: Man on a wire
Editing: Undecided (A throw up between Dark Knight or Slumdog)
Makeup: Benjamin Button
Score: Slumdog
Song: O Saya
Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
Sound Mixing: Wall-E
Visual Effects: Benjamin Button
Writing (Original Screenplay): Wall - E

So do log on after the show and see how I did. Personally I feel Anne Hathaway should win best actress for Rachel Getting Married and I thought Benjamin Button was a much better film than Slumdog but don't think it stands a chance.

Coldplay: Live in Singapore

Young Anakin woke up bright and early to buy us tickets to watch Coldplay live on the 23'rd of March here in town. I thought Coldplay had; in Viva La Vida the albumn of the year but god knows what goes on in the foggy old heads of the folks who vote at the Grammy's.

So we shall sing along with our main man Chris Martin about that long and dark december that we clearly remember ...

Book review: Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

There's someone you know who lives on Revolutionary road....I am sure of it. Hell there are bits and pieces of people you'll meet on those pages that will either remind you of someone you know or may hit home. As I turned page over page I saw bits of Frank Wheeler in my personality. I hide my bitten to the skin nails just like he does, I had a moment where I turned an argument around and hid in an alley and laughed my self silly at the thought of the person's face. I saw a bit of April in a girl I loved. I saw bits of Jon Givings in a person I once knew. I felt like I was riding the lift up to a dull office. I saw the bleak future of the human Dream even though the book is a deconstruction of the American dream in the 60's. This book is relevant today as much as it was so many decades back.

I mean a story about a bored suburban couple in America. I mean how thrilling can the book be right? Wrong. The book is a goddamn page turner. You pass your days in office in a daze because you cant wait to chug along to a coffee shop and devour page after page of the book.

Yep that bloody good. So vivid that each page comes to life in the simplest prose possible. You sit with Frank and drink those martinis. You feel the tempt of that fling. You know you're a fake when you read about Frank and his ways and mannerisms. I've had a moment just like he does where just as I am concluding a story I realize I've told the story before...but realized it too late and realize that the intent gaze is just polite nodding.

But the supporting characters shine as well. The Givings with their asylum incarcerated son (such a livewire character....sometimes the insane ones are the most lucid). The Campbell's the Ordways and Pollocks of the office come alive on page after page.

The book mainly follows Frank through the brief journey of their marriage and suddenly towards the end you switch loyalties and give a patient hear to April....I still stand by what I said a long time ago....when a relationship goes wrong (honey I screwed up!) it isn't any body's fault. Just two views so opposite in their opinion that reconciling is not an option.

So please please pick up this classic by Richard Yates and savour every moment. I meanwhile am going to pick up the rest of Mr. Yate's stuff this year so you're going to see a lot of him on these pages.

Next up is the highly recommended Barrel Fever by David Sedaris.

A selection from Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. 1961. Random House.

"She leaned the backs of her thighs against the fender and folded her arms in an elaborate display of resignation while he jabbed and shook a forefinger in her face. " You listen to me. This is one time you're not going to get away with twisting everything I say. This just happens to be one damn time I know I'm not in the wrong. You know what you are when you're like this ?" "Oh god, if only you'd stayed at home tonight" You know what you are when you're like this?" You're sick. I really mean that " "And do you know what you are?" Her eyes raked him up and down 'You're disgusting' Then the fight went out of control. It quivered their arms and legs and wrenched their faces into shapes of hatred, it urged them harder and deeper into each other's weak points. showing them cunning ways around each other's strongholds and quick chances to switch tactics, feint, and strike again. In the space of a gasp for breath it sent their memories racing back over the years for old weapons to rip the scabs off old wounds; it went on and on....."

Film Review; The curious case of Benjamin Button

This movie about a man born under unusual circumstances is a visual treat. The art direction, cinematography, special effects, makeup, narration are top notch. The audience let’s out a gasp not when you see an 80 year old Brad Pitt but when you see a 24 year old Pitt looking younger than his Thelma and Louise days. Three stand out scenes in the film are the breathtaking colour as Benjamin Button backpacks through Varanasi in India, the WW-II scene with the boat and the submarine and the one whole bit where Pitt and Blachett’s characters move into a house and live on a bed – for those few minutes the movie loses its detachedness and becomes a tale of love so very briefly. Check out the scene in the ballet room where they stare at a mirror to savor the one time that they are exactly the same age. The real chemistry comes between Tilda Swinton and Brad Pitt’s character as he slowly falls in love with her over the course of a couple of weeks in a lonely hotel.

The move stands at a daunting 166 minutes but rarely do you get bored as you watch this slow movie takes it time as it traces Benjamin Button’s journey from an old man to a baby. Going back to the narration it is really spot on. The bit where Button explains the circumstances leading to Daisy breaking her leg is a slow retelling of that scene in Snatch where the carton of milk makes a big unhappy mess.

The film is going to win all the awards in the technical department. It’s a pty the actors perform their parts rather coldly but I guess this was because it wanted to stay clear of Forrest Gump territory (the screenplay is written by the same guy who did Gump) and paint the life of ....well a normal man born under unusual circumstances. The film moves in shades of dullness which I found quite appealing

If you’re looking for a visual treat then this movie is highly recommended

"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You realize what's changed is you.... "

The Prodigy Live in Singapore

Tuesday night I had what was definitely the wildest night in Singapore. The Prodigy were in town and over the course of 150 minutes I was drenched in sweat as I stood upfront in the pit and let the music blow me away as I jumped up and down as they played most of their hits from Fat of the Land and their new CD (out in March) titled Invaders must Die.

To understand why this show was so special for I we have to go back to 1997. I was in school then and in the whole town there was this one guy called DJ Ajay who owned what was apparently the only copy of Fat of the Land. Because of that any parties that were thrown by the rich girls in school (seriously why are there only rich school girls?) had this DJ logged in. So, Smack my bitch up, Breathe & Firestarter were played with abandon and for us kids we had never heard music like this before. It made you feel like an undercurrent of electricity was running through your body.

But I wasn't alone. The world was hooked, everyone you know loved them. The songs showed up in many a movie, even the bollywood film Kuch Kuch Hotai hai used 'Smack my Bitch up' in the trailer. It was all over the place. Over time you heard some of their newer songs in a trailer here and there and time passed us by. To put it in context when The Matrix came out we loved it again we had never seen anything like it but by the time 2 & 3 had come we had seen it imitated so many times in the preceding years that the directors who started it all were beaten at their own game. Likewise with the Prodigy they came out with stuff but there were other acts who had successfully managed to copy and better their sound in the years in-between. However I think they got some stellar songs from their new CD.

Back then as I moved to their music I never thought that more than a decade later I will actually watch them live

Which brings me to the show. When the band walked on (I thought it would be a DJ spinning and the two vocalists but hell they have the most hardworking band player you'll see and a guitarist as well) . By the third song the crowd and the band were drenched in sweat as their soongs opened up the humid night in town. I got into a scrum at the pit and I must say violently pushing a whole lot of people around is a head-rush.

They played all their hits and when Firestarter er...started I just stood there in the jostling crowd and soaked it in. For their encore they played 'Smack my Bitch up' and relived every memory of those days in 1997 as Liam Howlett let the mix kick in and Keith Flint went absolutely nuts during the second rendition of FireStarter. What a show! and let's not forget the lights. The lights would go off and on as the tempo went up. Fucking brilliant.

After the show ended I caught up with a delirious Joe (assistant to the Fire warden) who was so pumped that I thought he was going to start punching people randomly.

We need to get to that U2 concert and plan for an Oasis concert in the future. This way we would re-live every single childhood memory all over again.

Super.

Film Review: Doubt

To qualify for the BananaFish club you have to be a movie buff. This means you could dragged to watch a film at a moment's notice. But then what if your movie buff friends drag you to a movie you just don't want to see because in your head you've already branded it as 'arty' and not interested.

So after tons of hesitation and last minute headaches I finally relented to watch Doubt. What made this movie real fun is that I will never pay the price of a movie ticket to watch Philip Seymour Hoffman in a lead role and yet there I was at the end of a thoroughly engrossing movie that showed what it is to have two master actors show off their class. Meryl Streep brings it in this film. She's top notch in the role of a nun who has a 'feeling' that the priest played by Hoffman might have had an improper relationship with the school's first black student. No make-up looking like a pale ghost under her hood and a demeanour that will make you remember the sternest teacher you ever had I loved her in the film.

The title 'Doubt' plays very well in this strong film. All Meryl streep has is her certainty on things she'd been told by the younger nun played by Amy Adams. The conversations between the two leads is gripping as the argument swings back and forth. But there is an undercurrent of real subtle humour that runs through the film. Like Meryl Streep addicted to the transistor radio she confiscated of a student or the light bulb that keep's blowing up, or the little kid sitting outside the Principal's office resigned to his fate or the contrast between the staid dinner the nun's have and the laughs of the priests table.

The stand-out scene in the film is the one with Meryl Streep and the lady playing the black kid's mother.

The movie is apparently based on a play and there are times when you feel like you are watching one.

I now solemnly swear that I'll watch films with ugly actors

Film Review: The Wrestler

When the lights come and the credits roll and you hear Bruce Springsteen ask you 'if you've ever seen a one-trick pony in a field so happy and free?' you're left with a lump in your throat and vague feeling similar to depression. You've, over the course of about 100 minutes lived inside the sweaty messy body of Randy the Ram. You hear his wheezing breath and struggle through his hearing aid as he fights one brutal match after another (the one with the staple gun is really something....like really the flashback to the fight and to the present is classic) you wince when you see the scar from the surgery or smile at his stint at the Deli or while picking out a jacket for his daughter.

You fall in love with the movies because of films like 'The Wrestler'. At about half-time I realized I was watching the movie with a wrinkled brow. There are some scenes in this film that just break your heart. This is one of the most down beat depressing films I've seen in a while. There's nothing to like about the lead character and yet you wish his daughter would not let him leave with less than he had before. You wish Marisa Tomei's character would just say she loves him and wish for that glorious happy ending.

It doesn't happen. You're a mute observer in the life of Randy the Ram. Watch that last scene where he throws everything at Marisa Tomei and says 'The only place I get hurt is out there. The world don't give a shit about me.' (just before Sweet Child of Mine starts to play...fantastic) There's no Mickey Rourke in the movie...there's only Randy the Ram playing Rourke. If you've read the back story you'll know the similarities between the character and Rourke which makes you root like hell for the underdog

I'm not going to tell you about the film and what happens. Just watch it and don't leave till the Springsteen song finishes...its been a while since a song has actually moved me from deep inside.

Rourke's winning Best actor. There's no way in hell Sean Penn's MILK is a patch on his performance here.

Essential viewing.

PostScript: And if you haven't then do watch Requiem for a Dream by the same director. Similar to Rourke; Ellen Burnstyn gives a performance that lingers weeks/ months after you've watched the film. The score in both films is by Clint Mansell - a genius composer. Give a listen to Lux Aeterna and be prepared to be blown away

News Video Review: The Mangalore Incident a.k.a Smack my bitch up

Shekar Kapur has a very interesting post on his website about the Mangalore incident where a bunch of self-confessed assholes beat up a couple of girls in a bar. My NRI grainy news videos from India watching days continue. Today I watched one classico which had this woman talking about her ‘investigation’ into the Mangalore incident and the ‘nude clothes’ that the girls were wearing……

…I paused and backed up a bit to see if I had heard correctly (see it for yourself) she says Nude clothes!! Like really! This dumb-ass lady is the next Magnum P.I. She’s gonna wield her sari and solve cases. The only thing missing in the interview is her lethal Ray-Ban shades to cover the seething anger in her eyes.

Which brings me to haute couture 2009. Nude clothes is a fashion statement by the snazzy people of Mangalore. Nude clothes looks like a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to the normal eye but to a deranged fuckwit its all tits and ass hanging out. Nude clothes is what our hero lady investigator sees. Anything short of a sari is nude clothes. You, me and everybody else we know can't see it but Sari lady sees an aureole so big it would make you attack it...she understands. Yes men watch out nude clothes is here to stay. I can't wait for the next soundbyte by Miss. Sari Investigator my only hope is that she doesn't turn on the Mangalore men and accuse them of 'Nanga cocks'

I went on watching the video. They interviewed the guy who tried to stop the thrashings. He goes on to say ‘they’re spreading false rumours that I’m a Muslim….I’m Shetty’
Go and watch any Bollywood movie the scariest guy was always called Shetty. You don’t mess with the Shetty but clearly this Shetty is terrified of being branded a Muslim.

What’s worse is at the end of the video it shows the Nimrods wearing saffron scarves (they looked like the Indian Version of Big Bird) being released on bail and yelling ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ (the irony that they’re hailing ‘Mother’ India’ is not lost on me) like they’ve won a massive battle.

Don’t you just hate election time? All political parties lose their balls in a ‘let’s not ruffle feathers till the elections’ phase. So it becomes a free for all.

However I’m sad to see no video of Barkha Dutt lighting a candle for the Mangalore girls on the NDTV website

"Everybody was dancing wearing so many nude clothes and all.
That is why they did what they did, they (the attackers) said"

Postscript: And since we're on the topic of beating up women I have just been told of this thing called the Donkey Punch. I can't believe such a thing even exists. Now picture that Muthalik guy riding a Hindu cow and doing the punch......(hilarious no?)

Football Mundial: The crazy world of the EPL

Now before you write me off as a wannabe football fan I would have you know I've been watching football since 1986 (Mexico & Maradona and me all of six years old, this is what happens when you have a soccer crazy mom) but I've been a convert to the EPL for a little under three years now and because I'm such an avid follower every weekend that when the season is over I go through serious withdrawal symptoms.

Which brings me to this year's Emglish Premier League. It's a mad mad world...a bit of Mtv Cribs, a bit of Lifestlyes of the Rich and famous, a bit of a dramatic soap opera, a bit of the thrills and chills of a Hollywood blockbuster and nerve racking final minutes that will make your nails scream blue murder.

You just can't guarantee who is going to win on a particular weekend. Liverpool did well in the early half of the season but ever since the injury to Fernando Torres and the assault case on Steven Gerrard it all seems to be coming unstuck coupled with this is Benitez's erratic behaviour. He spends all this money to hire Robbie Keane and then washes his hands off the player. Can someone do a count of how many good strikers he has gone through in the past couple of years? God only knows what goes on in his bald head.
.
Chelsea looked the team to beat but look at them now. The dismay on Big Phil's face says it all. Drogba is a shadow of his form last year and everyone looks tired and defeated all the time. The rich arab owners of Man city keep pumping millions of dollars in but there team gets beaten by a lowly Stoke city. Aston Villa could I think become serious contenders, you got to admire the tenacity and dedication of Martin O'Neil and Chris Moyes work at Everton for holding their own. Lowly Wigan has drawn with the big four and are unbeaten for quite some time. The Spurs and Newcastle languish at the bottom and face the threat of relegation. The drama is still there in Newcastle with reports now coming out that the owner is broke. West Ham lost their shirt sponsors. Juan Ramos fired from the Spurs is now the coach for Real Madrid and then there's ManUtd. The red devils I love to hate but you got to admire them. Trailing 7 points at the start they now lead by five points. You just can't take it away. Sir Alex is the best club manager in the world whether you like him or hate him.

Which brings me to my dear club Arsenal. I love the club (Top 5 loves in my life: U2, Arsenal, Milo, JD Salinger, WW-II) how you wish they'd fire on all cylinders every weekend and how dissapointed you get when they draw (and now lose) at home. They have beaten Chelsea, Man Utd and drawn with Liverpool and yet get held to pathetic draws against teams at the bottom of the table. I mean look at the line-up it has the most exciting young guns, look at that beautiful game they play, look how they freeze near goal. Look at their injuries its mental (Rosicky, Eduardo, Walcott, Fabregas injured for months now) & the genius of Arsene Wenger holding it all together. Early in the season I thought this was going to be their season but they don't look quite there just yet. Last night they drew with West ham and now look to be fighting to finishing fourth (although I still think they could break into the top 3 soon..Chelsea, Liverpool are getting their wheels unstuck). Van Persie is truly the glue that's holding the team together. I still don't understand what Nicolas Bendtner is doing in the team. How many chances is he going to be allowed. He misses the goal so many times you want to tear your hair out.

Another 16 games remain and it could still be anyone's season for the taking so while I fervently pray for the arrival of Zenit Petersburg and star of the Euro 2008 Andrei Arashvin's impending arrival to Arsenal I have a nagging feeling that it's going to be ManUtd all the way.

Tonight is Liverpool v/s Chelsea (hope they draw) and then there's Rafael Nadal v/s Roger Federer truly a sports night to watch out for.

Post script: I used to follow the Guardian's football reviews but over time I find that they are very biased (like the Singapore media that has a constant hard-on for Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool) and have now switched to The Independent's football page it's unbiased pure news and views. They also have a great live page that refreshes with live scores and results. If you want to get into the action and the drama I'd recommend it.

Book Review: Great Apes by Will Self

Great Apes is a tough book to read. It takes the world of apes and makes them humans and makes the humans the equivalent of chimps. Its a crazy world where the apes go human shit as opposed to going apeshit. The first 50 -60 pages are hard to go by as it builds the story and the characters. But please persevere because the novel is a hoo-hooo-raaa---hilarious trip. I mean I've now gone days going 'euch-euch-' at everyone on the street. It messed with my head...I felt like a hairy ape while reading it (as opposed to Singaporean girls thinking I am a hairy ape and I disagreeing....where's tht safety razor)

Zack Busner is a character right up there with Randle McMurphy, Yosaarian, Billy Pilgrim. He's truly memorable and a wonderful anti-hero. It's hilarious reading about this Doctor chimp who wakes up in the morning to watch all his off springs mating with pomp and vigour early in the morning. While we humans might check our hair or our teeth as we walk out of the house. Dr. Busner checks his asshole one last time.

The book has pages and pages of chuckles. The story revolves around an artist called Simon Dykes who after a night of doing drugs and alcohol wakes up to discover that the whole world is run by chimps. Everything is turned on its head. Bill Clinton is an ape. The genocide in Rwanda is happening to the Bonobo apes and everybody is fucking everybody.

The author Will Self creates such a believable earth inhabited by apes that you get completely taken in.

Apparently there's another book by Will Self where Zack Busner is human! I can't wait to get my hands on a copy.


Highly reccomended. Thank you Mr. Flick-Switch (actual nickname..not something I gave) this was a fantastic (if difficult) read. If you don't get put off b the daunting length and the slow build up I guarantee a wholly enjoyable read.

Postscript: The book came out in 1997. Imagine it's taken 12 years to discover the genius.

Quickie reviews

The reader: Kate Winslet is naked for most of the first half in the movie. Her tits are saggy and are headed straight for the prune factory, her ass is pure heaven, she fucks almost as good as she did in Little Children and you gotta love her because she's one A-lister actress who has and continues to take her clothes off in every movie. You want to punch Ralph Fiennes in the face, he roams around looking sullen and moronic throughout the movie. (If we know each other then remind me to show you my Fiennes impersonation it's a riot) A theory by young Anakin is that he has that face because he never got to screw Winslet in the movie (a younger person playing his character got all the action). The second half drags an otherwise engaging first half down. It does not deserve its Best picture nomination. If you want to enjoy The reader then read the book. It is a fantastic piece of work.

Defiance: Another Edward Zwick film with the same problems like Last Samurai and Blood Diamond had. It's a good story, great acting, Daniel Craig and Jamie Bell shine in the Belarus cold but somewhere in the middle it slows down and that ruins it really. This one especially suffers from one set...the whole movie is just set in the forest so for about 114 minutes you're in the forest with them. I don't want to take anything away from the true story this film was based on but the movie as a whole fails. There are bits that are good and I think you should see it on DVD along with Chinese takeout but it does not warrant the price of a movie ticket.



Go ahead time it. That's quickie reviews for you.

Coming soon: The Winter's Tale by William Shakespeare

Dear Dad,

The week you are here we are going to hang with Ethan Hawke, Rebecca Hall & Sam Mendes. Coming in March is the William Shakespeare play directed by Mendes and starring Hawke and Hall (Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona) called The Winter's tale. Can you believe it? So totally page 3. We're gunning for the VIP box and just for show we'll carry binoculars (is that for the opera? fuck it we'll still carry a pair) and talk like we're experts about Broadway (that's a street for hookers in New York right?)

Mogwai: Live in Singapore

Last week I had my ear drums blown out of my skull when I went to watch the Post-Rock gremlins invade Singapore.
Mogwai has been around for 14 years now. Over the years they have built a steady fan base, got louder and louder over time, got into a massive fight with Blur and became Zinedine Zidane's close friends.

Remember the Micheal Mann directed Miami vice? Those cool instrumental songs that play in the background are Mogwai at their best. On a recco I picked up their CD 'The sky is howling' early in January. The music blew me away. Me! I can't stand music without lyrics and there I had the CD on repeat. Hooked I bought the ticket and headed for their show.

I can't begin to tell you what a mind-trip of an experience this was. The concert hall was bathed in lights made to look like the sun was rising and setting, the music builds into a crescendo of noise...dissapears and then comes back again with a roar. When they played 'Auto-Rock' (my favourite Mogwai track) I had goosebumps all over as I swayed to the music. They played most of their hits from The sky and Mr. Beast. "I Love You, I'm Going to Blow Up Your School", "I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead" "Batcat" were phenomenally done and even the ones I didn't know didn't matter in the end. I sat there for about an hour and a half in a barely filled auditorium completely enthralled. The drummer apparently has a pacemaker that's been fitted since he was 12, in a tour not so long ago as he played the pacemaker came unstuck and jutted out of his chest...creepy but kudos on keeping the show going on.

This is music and if you were in town and missed the show well, that's criminal. Below is a photo just before the lights started swirling in the darkness.

Film Review: Milk

Watched it 3 weeks back (I've been out of it haven't I?) another movie in a long line of movies where the acting makes up for an otherwise mediocre film (others in the past few years: Last King of Scotland, Capote, Erin Brockovich) Milk works because of Sean Penn, James Franco, Josh Brolin, a fiery perfomance by Diego Luna and Emile Hirsch. The story is a big big yawn. I still don't get how this whole drama about 'Prop 8' deserves a movie of its own. A documentary? sure (I won't watch it) but I mean its a 4 line story. .>Prop 8. > Gays don't like > Gays do something about it > Gays win. End of story. Sure Harvey Milk is a great character story but somehow while you watch it you get the feeling that this kind of story is done to death. But the movie has it's moments....I can't remember many right now but the end with the candles on the streets gives you goosebumps.

The movie didn't do anything for me. Aren't you supposed to feel inspired and moved by this sort of stuff? The stories it follows meanders into blah. Except for the Josh Brolin track and the two realationships Penn has with Franco and Luna there is nothing much to make you want to reccommend the movie.

On the plusses if you have to watch it then watch it for Sean Penn. It's the exact opposite of his acting in Mystic River and that is what a great actor can do.

I guess it's become fashionable to recomend a gay movie these days to show you're 'with it'

I am apparently not 'with it'

U2: No Line on the Horizon. First Single

It's here! the first single by U2 from their new CD 'Get on your boots' is out and I've had it on repeat all frickin evening. I love it. Just love it. Hearing a new song by the band is like meeting an old friend after years and finding out what they've been upto all this time and then being absolutely delighted that all is well in zoo station.

Give it a listen - '...let me in the sound'

The album cover has also been released. According to the site The album cover artwork is an image of the sea meeting the sky by Japanese artist and photographer Hiroshi Sugimoto.

Film Review: Rachel Getting Married

Anne Hathaway gives a razor sharp performance as Rachel's sister in this movie I like to refer to as Hollywood's answer to India's Monsoon Wedding (the similarities are striking). The movie has that fly-on-the-wall camera direction and classifies as Car crash viewing (movies that you watch cringing..like The Office where you don't know whether to laugh or go Ouch when you watch David Brent).

The movie tells the story of Anne Hathaway's character who comes home from rehab for her sister's wedding. The whole house is tense with her arrival, in addition to this there has been a tragedy not so long ago that lingers on every person's mind through the wedding. The sibling rivalry, the ganging up, the arguements of fairness and favouritism are superb.

I thought it could have been atleast 15 minutes shorter but I'm not complaining. Later when the movie was over and I was thinking about Hathaway's charachter and how she's carried the blame of the tragedy for so long her dad actually understood (this is never clear in the film) that's why he was so over protective of her and maybe that's why he divorced his wife.

The movie is written by Sidney Lumet's (Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico)daughter and directed by Johnathan Demme (Silence of the Lambs) and is acting of the highest kind. Highly recommended. Anne Hathaway is a sure shot Oscar Nomination.

Film Review: Eden Lake

This evening I stumbled out of a theater still numb with the carnage I witnessed. I'm a huge fan of zombie / horror / slasher / lots of people slowly dying films. Disaster flicks suck-ass because where's the fun in instant death?? I've seen every single brutal movie (teen slasher flicks are a personal favourite) ever made. It's great escapist cinema at the end of a tough week. Last year I dragged many a friend to watch: The strangers, Quarantine (great shock value), The Eye, Prom Night (err I know..awful but teen slasher you know...) so I read with great joy when I heard that 'Eden lake' was headed to the sunny shores of Singapore. Hailed as the best horror film in years I gleefully booked my tickets and headed over to The cathay.

It's been a while since I physically flinched in the theatre. This is one of those rare one-of-a-kind horror films that's so bloody smart that it keeps you at the edge of your seat from beginning to end. A collegue told me not so long back that he doesn't ever want to go back to the UK because gangs of 12-15 year olds walk the streets with knives and paper cutters looking for a fight.
I had laughed then and called him a pussy. But then I read reports and heard Gordon Brown on the telly talking about this menace...it suddenly wasn't funny.

This film took me back to that conversation I had with him. It tells the story of a couple who are mercillesly stalked by a group of 12 year olds in the middle of the wilderness. Flinch. You actually flinch when you watch this movie. I love the power of cinema when it can make it so real that you actually believe what you're seeing. This is not some make believe man with a chainsaw running riot kind of set -up it's bloody believeable and wrongly falls into the horror genre because it has the mandatory (and many of them) Boo! moments. My friend had his hand over his open mouth in shock horror...it was that good!

Telling you more about this film will be giving too much away. All I can say is if this is a genre that appeals to you then go watch it. I guarantee you'll have your heart in your mouth for most of the running time.

Highly Reccomended.

The Ting Tings Live in Singapore

Well we didn't shut up and let them go. The two band members were phenomenal as they brought the park down in the first night of Big night out, the rain held out and a soft cool breeze blew all around as we stood under the sky and sang our hearts out. My companion (for love or squalor) almost got into a cat fight with another girl and I surprisingly broke it up (i love cat fights remember Alexis and Krystal cat fighting in 'Dynasty'? oh man!). Most people swear by two member bands. The white stripes, The Kills and The Ting Tings have a loyal following and The Ting Tings in my opinion were the best newcomers in the UK last year.

Watching the energy and creativity of just two people doling out loud rock songs is seen to be believed. For the lesser informed that second song that plays in the Slumdog Millionaire trailer is 'Great DJ' is by this band (it made the already super cool trailer SO much better)

With a lot of pushing and jostling we got to the front of the pit and listened enthralled to the 45 minute session (I know short - they only have one albumn out but, even if they had more songs how do you keep the tempo up after about an hour!) they switched guitars, played the drums with wild abandon, an assortment of supporting instruments came out and they treated us to 'We Walk', 'Great DJ' 'Traffic Light' 'Fruit Machine' the title track of their CD 'We started nothing' and the two mega mega hits 'Shut up and Let me go' and ended the evening with 'That's not my name'

What a show. I have hardcore 'cock'throb' for the singer Katie White. She is oh so sexy (lucky for her she went straight to my list of rockstar women to sleep with) and I gazed in sheer voyeur delight as she pranced around the stage, played up her cuteness and shook her blonde head around (I did however notice that she has a big head but it's okay I love the way she sings...such a little tantrumn thrower)

Both, Katie and Jules Martino were so in-sync with each other. Truly an adrenalin pumping, hip swinging evening to remember. Truly a top band with a wonderful future ahead of them.

On a side note: The opeming act was an awful Singaporean Band called (true story) Force Vomit. Mediocre and looking like a green in the gills we're so cool college band I thought it was insulting for the headliner band that the organizers choose these vomit faced kids as the opening act. It got worse though.... the second act was a hip hop rapper called Wylie with his co-rapper Set-top and their band (...which consisted of a Guantanamo Bay escapee looking bald guy on a Mac Pro playing recorded music...my respect for the black community fell a couple of notches.)

Oh well...like it's recently been pointed out I'm way to critical. So I hope the supporting acts on Day II of Big Night out for The Prodigy are better.

Coming soon: Jason Mraz Live in Singapore

Yeah I don't know what it is. How is it that a man with impeccable taste in music shares the same enthusiasm about Jason Mraz that a 12 year old screaming girl does? I haven't understood it. Normally music and musicians like this are viewed with a lot of trepidation but in the case of Mr. A-Z I think he's super cool.

So with great joy I heard Mr. Makintosh tell me that this live wire performer in headed back to Singapore in the first week of March.

Whoop. But it gets better. My boss recently got married and they had a band that flew in from America to perform at her wedding.....the band is the opening act for the Mraz show. This means backstage passes and cocktails with Mraz.

AND because I got her hooked onto the music of Jason Mraz guess who's a prime contender for a backstage pass as well.

Yes! eyes wide shut baby eat your heart out. We're going to be partying with the popstars in March.

Added to this last night I went drinking with a relative of Morten Harket . I was joking about how he resembled Chris Martin and then he jumps in with this bit of trivia. I fell off my chair. If I had breasts I would have bared them. I rarely meet A-ha fans and here was someone who knows their entire discography possibly better than I....I mean he said that they meet at funerals and stuff that's got to be close right?

This is great priming for when I watch U2 Live later this year.

Concert Review: STARS - Live in Singapore

I’ve been looking forward to this concert for a couple of months now and gosh! It didn’t disappoint. It was the perfect start to a season of concerts The Stars is a lesson in living the Indie-Band dream. Stripped away music, a warm and personable approach to their audience, this is no stadium churning rock, this is mellow, silly in love, bitter in break-up kind of music. The lead vocalists play themes of love, hurt, and betrayal off each other…in-fact at times it’s almost like watching a musical. The small (cozy and wooden) auditorium at the Esplanade was filled up with all of 1500 people. Imagine a top band playing for an audience that small..it's like they're playing only for you. I stand just ten metres away and soak in the music and sing along to the songs I know (they have four - five CDs out and I only have one, I think most people in the audience did not know many songs in their set …yes I’m guilty as charged as well.) I had gone for the show alone, noone I know wanted to bust $140 for the band but as lady luck would have it sitting right next to me was this funky girl from our Creative design firm who seemed to be a huge fan, what followed was a rapid fire discussion on Arcade Fire, Matthew Good, Death Cab before the show started

They played most of the songs from Set yourself on Fire. They got the crowd on their feet with ‘Ageless Beauty’ slowed it down with the beautiful ‘Calendar Girl’ played their top hit ‘You Ex-Lover is dead’, did the last lines from ‘Soft Revolution’ (my current top Stars song) and brought out ‘Your ex-lover remains Dead’ for the encore. The lead male vocalist is high on the histrionics; the lady is grounded and clearly is the nuts and bolts of the band. The piano player looked like a bored Ben Gibbard from Death Cab, the bass guitarist had cool Jack Black dance moves going but the coolest member of the band was the lead guitarist, wearing a suit and standing in the far left corner looking like the coolest guitarist in Singapore. I left soon after the concert but had second thoughts and came back to stand in line to shake hands with the band after the show. It was that bloody good

I thought I’d record a song in HD and proudly show it off but to my horror when I saw the video last night you can hear me sing along in the background. Oh man! I sound like an eve teaser in Delhi University. The horror! Oh gawd the horror!

The revolution wasn't bad
We hit the streets with all we had
A tape recording with the sound
Of the Velvet Underground
A K-Way jacket torn to shreds
And a dream inside our heads
And after changing everything
They couldn't tell we couldn't sing


...After changing everything
They couldn't tell we couldn't sing
They couldn't tell we couldn't sing
And that changes everything......

On DVD and in the Cinemas

The theatres in Singapore sucks major ass in December. I've seen a pattern over the past three Decembers in this town. They slow it down and then suddenly in mid Jan there's such a surge of good movies that sometimes you're in the thetatres watching movies back to back (like last year starting at 7 in the evening I watched: American Gangster, Eastern Promises and Darjeeling Limited one after another and then went home caught some sleep and came back the following afternoon for There will be blood....this is a movie watcher's wet dream come true)

and so it goes this year as well the past month has had awful movies in the theatres and we only saw one film - Pride and Glory. Look at this is a poor man's 'The Departed' it's good, gripping, excellent performances but its missing something so as soon as you leave the theatre you move on and don't give the movie a second thought. Edward Norton is mighty good and wtf happened to Colin Farell?? I remember not long back I caught the Recruit in 2003 (at a theatre in Malad Bombay ...how do I remember this?) and Farell was touted as the next big thing...he looks bloated and washed out just five years on.

Because of the slim pickings we caught a lot of film at Home.

Rescue Dawn: Starring Cristian Bale and Steve Zahn, I had caught 20 minutes of the film on a flight but swtiched it off because wasting a good film on that small a screen is criminal. The movie is good but at half time I was yawning. It's a true story about an American pilot who escaped a Vietnam POW camp and was resuced.....so for an hour and a half you watch knowing fully well how it's going to end.

Noise: Starring Tim Robbins. I loved this movie. Its the blackest comedy I've watched in a while, the first hour is absolutely amusing but the movie kind of meanders to an end which is sad becuase it made me laugh so. It tells the story of a New York vigilante (played by Tim Robbins) who goes by the name 'The Rectifier' who destroys cars with unattended car alarms. The look on his face as his concentration breaks everytime he hears an alarm goes off is priceless and the seriousness with which he takes his role as the Rectifier is hilarious. Reccomended

Do keep coming back over the next couple of weeks. The days ahead are packed with new films: Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood), Ghost Town (Ricky Gervais) Milk (Sean Penn) Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt), concerts (Stars next week and then The Ting Tings, Mogwai, Prodigy (yes! the smack my bitch up guys), and AniDi Franco.

Super! I love the first couple of months in the new year in this town. You live the good life before work catches up with you by April but for now we're just going to turn it up in the headphones.

Top Music 2008

** Among CDs released this year

1. The Verve - Forth: 5 Really solid songs in this 10 piece CD. Right from Sit & Wonder to Appalachian Springs the music captures and takes you away to the world of Richard Ashcroft and the Verve boys. Three months and counting I listen to this CD everyday.
Top Song: Appalachian Springs

2. Oasis - Dig out your soul - Everything about this CD i love. Easily their strongest album since What's the story. Some songs like 'I'm out of time' give you goosebumps especially the end where John Lennon's voice comes on almost like from the grave. Love their devil may care attitude and the way the CD switches gears from hard to fast to slow easy.
Top Song: I'm outta time

3. Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid - On a routine investigation to find out the song that plays in the Burn after reading trailer. I discovered Elbow and life hasn't been the same since. This CD is a dedication to a friend of the band Bryan (he's the seldom seen kid). 'Grounds for Divorce' is the grittiest rock song I've heard this year and I love the violins in 'One day like this' truly the indie discovery of the year.
Top Song: Grounds for Divorce

4. Coldplay - Viva La Vida - Too much has already been written about this CD already. It's a good no doubt but as the year ends with all the top press it's getting I think the hype is greater than the music
Top Song: Violet Hill

5. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular - Late discovery in the year. Easy music that gets deeper as you listen and we're all fated to pretend
Top Song: Time to Pretend

6. Jason Mraz - We sing, We dance, We steal things - Don't get put off by the repeated viewings of 'I'm yours' on the telly. The CD has stronger and more memorable tracks. Butterfly and Coyotes are personal favourites. Best live act I saw this year
Top Song: Butterfly

7. The Killers - Day & Age - If 'Human' doesnt get you on your feet I shall eat my feathers. 7 solid tracks in this CD and a massive should have been follow up to hot fuss
Top Song: Human

8. Kings of Leon - Only by the night. Right from the opener 'Closer' to the wonderful 'Sex on Fire' to 'Revelry' this CD does not disappoint hitting one high after another.
Top Song: Sex on Fire

9. Sigur Ros - With a buzz in our ears we play endlessly - I can't understand a word they're singing but the music makes the heart soar. All the way from 'Gobbeldigook' to 'All Alright' these Icelandic rockers are true role models for Radiohead
Top Song: Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur

10. Kanye West - 808's & Heartbreak - A truly smashing attempt to break new ground. The Auto Tune grows on you and makes you a believer that anyone with good lyrics can be heard singing. The CD stays true to the title of the albumn and has some gems along with valuable support from 'Lil'Wayne, Young Jeezy and Kid Cudi
Top Song: Welcome to heartbreak

Honorable Mentions:

11. Maximilian Hecker - One Day - A little known German musician, his music has all but taken over the hour before I sleep a fantastic CD and a great discovery this year
Top Song: The Space that you are in

12. Guns & Roses - Chinese Democracy - Has some of the loudest angst filled songs I've heard this year
Top Song: I.R.S

13. Nitin Swanhey - London Undersound. A mash-up of world music of the highest kind. With guest vocalists Paul McCartney, Anoushka Shankar and Imogen Heap this is a political message via music.
Top Song: My Soul

14. Adele - 19. This fat lady can sing. I love her voice and the rest of the band ain't too bad.
Top Song: Chasing Pavements

15.Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I lay my head. Sure, most of them are covers but this lady has a solid voice and the music sounds like its drowning (that's a good thing) love the David Bowie produced 'Falling Down'
Top Song: Falling Down

16. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago. Love the music, maybe given more time I would have put it in the top 10
Top Song: Skinny Love

17. Death Cab for Cutie: Narrow Stairs. Memorable, especially for the top song: I will posess your heart

18. Beck - Modern Guilt. I prefer this albumn to Odelay. It's solid and tough to pick one top song from the CD. Profanity Prayers and Soul of Man are super.
Top Song: Gamma Ray


Live shows:
1. John Mayer: Where the Light is
2. Oasis: Live at Manchester stadium
3. Jason Mraz: Tonight not again. Live at the Eagle Ball room
4. U2: Under a blood red sky

Assorted Songs:
Shut up and Let me Go - The Ting Tings
Sweet and Low - Augustana
We cry - The Script
All Summer Long - Kid Rock
What them girls like - Ludacris
The Day I lost my voice (the suitcase song) - Copeland
The Beginning of the twist - The Future Heads
72 - James
When will I see your face again - Jamie Scott & The Town
Sour Cherry - The Kills
Further - Long-View
Beautiful Summer - Primal Scream
Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
A-Punk - Vampire Weekend


Hope, that we'll be around to do a list at the end of 2009. Have a good year ahead. Don't drink and drive.

The Life and the Times: Greatest Hits: 2007: 2008

10. The birth of rapper 'Deo-licious
9. The saddest playlist I have
8. When the writing really started to work
7. Sleazy APSD
6. The funniest according to readers
5. I thought it was funny; noone else did
4. The most lucid memory
3. Don't you know you're a shooting star
2. ...and we finally did strike back
1. Pa

The B-Sides:
1. You can't handle the truth
2. Good Morning Vietnam
3. The Best in aborted Project 100
4. Absolute Power - Conspiracy theory at its best
5. Scent of a woman

and you can now follow reviews at: thedailyapsd.blogspot.com

Music Review: MGMT. Oracular Spectacular

While you take the time out to come here and read a review and hopefully trust the taste of the writer I, Bananafish only trust the NME word when it comes to recommending music (sometimes the absolute Punk word but mostly its NME).

So early this month I read the Top 50 albums of 2008 with a bit of a raised eyebrow. The number one CD belonged to a band called MGMT....I hadn't heard of them before. A quick search on the Wiki informed me that they were previously known as 'The Management' till a burst of creative imagination made them rename the band to MGMT and the number one CD this year by them is called 'Oracular Spectacular'

So I bought the CD, the cover didn't impress me and nor did the art work. A bunch of punk kids whi I found out were the singers on the cover and it looked mighty blah.

I slotted the CD in (A CD i recommend goes through a 3 phase trial ...it starts on the home theater, then makes its way to the CD player in the bedroom before it finally gets on the MP3 player and then only if it warrants does it get a review) to the player and started to listen to the psychedelic tunes from the first hit single 'Time to pretend'

Its one of the most fun songs you'll listen...it's like being on a massive acid trip with a complimentary video to boot. I neglected the rest of the CD for a bit and had this song on repeat....

'I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.'


On repeat the song takes on a deep and sad meaning...atleast for me.

Sample the lines:

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course.....

The line 'we're fated to pretend' repeats through the track and it really hits home. We as a generation are fated to pretend don't you think? When was the last time you did something original? or better yet when did you last see / hear something that made you feel like this was a once in a lifetime experience? It's out instant noodles instant karma life. We got everything we want at a snap of our fingers...and even the joy .....it's all a pretense...we're fated to pretend.

But as the days rolled on I started listening to the other songs on the CD. The psychedelic feel is throughout the CD. Trust me when you're high THIS is the CD you'll listen to. 'The Youth' is another great synthesizer gone wrong song. 'Kids' is a real favorite. It's got my feet tapping as I write this.

The memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decision to decisions are made
And not bought,
But I thought this wouldn’t hurt a lot.
I guess not

'Electric Feel' , 'Of Moons, Birds & Monsters (are you mad at your walls, Or hoping that an unknown force can repair things for you? . Pardon all the time that you've thrown into your pale grey garden? If the ship will never come you've got to move along...) The Handshake and the shaky but great 4th Dimensional Transistion make this a top CD.

I'm not going to agree that this is the best CD of the year (my vote still goes to 'Forth' by the Verve but this easily slips into the Top 10 CDs of the Year (the list will be up by the end of the year)

Give 'Time to pretend' a listen and I hope you see the light when he sings the line 'we're fated to pretend'

Highly recommended

Book Review: J.G Ballard - The Kindness of Women / a novel

This novel caps a brilliant year of great books and some priceless discoveries. I immensely enjoyed reading this sequel to 'Empires of the Sun' however unsettling it is. When I reviewed Empires of the sun I mentioned the loss of innocence and as Jim grows up his fascination turns from toy airplanes to well...women. The book is by turn raunchy, sexy, funny, deeply introspective and there's the underlying connection to Jim's three years in a POW camp...it keeps coming back. He sees it everywhere and in everything.

...and you see it with him. The two books together take you on a journey through Ballard's life (what is fiction and what is true is left to the reader to decide). As the title suggests it's because of the kindness of women that he survived through life. It starts with the girl in the POW camp who kind of becomes a soulmate....a child marriage of sorts that keeps him going, he then goes on to get obsessed with a dead cadaver in medical school. It follows him through his misadventures through the RAF, his trysts with pregnant prostitutes, his love for his wife and the uneasiness of the thought that she yearns for another kind of life, the death of his wife in a tragic mishap that he blames squarely on himself, the celibacy that follows, the experimenting with LSD and meeting crazy women who beg him to ass-fuck them "Bugger me, Daddy! Beat Me! Pixie wants to be buggered" and the prison camp that keeps coming back.

The sex is almost written in a sterile way...like the one scene where he sleeps with his recently dead wife's sister you're taken aback at the matter of factness with which he writes about it...like it's customary

In between there are hints at being neighbors with Salvador Dali or watching a bull fight where El Cordobés( a personal hero of mine) dazzles the crowd or just living in a time of President assassinations, the birth of rock n roll, the Vietnam war. The book encompasses the history around Jim as well as his life.

Do read it...and if you haven't then read Empires before you attempt to read this one. The language and the vividness comes shining through.

A totally gripping and wonderful read


Postscript: About El Cordobes. I recommend the book 'Or I'll dress you in mourning' by Larry Collins and Dominique la Pierre ....its a true gritty story and yet is written like a stylized thriller. A true rags to riches story and encompasses so much of Spain's recent bloody history. I forget the line that opens the book (hey! I read it in '96 so cut me some slack') it's basically a quote that Cordobes tells his sister before his first major bull fight. I think it goes " Farewell my sweet sister, tonight I shall buy you a house or I'll dress you in mourning'

Goosebump stuff.

Trust me

Music Review: Kanye West 808's & Heartbreak

"My friend showed me pictures of his kids,
And all I could show him were pictures of my cribs.
He said his daughter got a brand-new report card,
And all I got was a brand-new sportscar."

Kanye West 'sings' those lines in the track 'Welcome to heartbreak'. It's been a suck ass year for Mr. West. His mum died from plastic surgery complications and then he broke up with his fiancee...he also stopped blogging for a bit added to this he regularly got into trouble with the paparazzi. When I watched him live late in October I mentioned how depressed and alone he looked up on stage. Celebrity looked like death on him.

But, Mr. West is a one of a kind entertainer. I mean he rapped 'Through the wire' after his accident with a wired jaw. He also always claimed that he didn't just want to be the world's best rapper but instead he wanted to be the best singer.

808's is the step in that direction.

Now let's face it this guy can't sing to save his life and yet he does (there's not a single song where he raps) helped with a whole lot of auto tune (each song is sung in auto tune) he tells us stories from his broken life. It doesn't work...atleast on the first couple of listens but as you keep listening the auto-tune grows on you and the songs come shining through. Personal favourites are 'Welcome to heartbreak' 'Robocop' (about a super possessive girlfriend):

'Bout the baddest girl I ever seen
Straight up outta movie scene
Who knew she was a drama queen
That'd turn my life to Stephen King's
up late night like she on patrol
checkin everything like i'm on parole
I told her it's some things she don't need to know
She never let it go, oh'

I like the opener 'Say you will' . Love Lockdown has been played to death and I feel it's not the strongest song on the CD. 'See you in my nightmare' is another stellar track . Overall I think it's mighty brave for him to try something completely new than his contemporary hip-hop / rappers

Highly recommended and an A+ for effort.

Here's a bit of trivia for you. All of Kanye West's CD covers have had a bear on them ....and a parental advisory label. This one has a deflated baloon (shaped like a heart) on the cover and a picture of West looking forlon inside (that's the picture I've put up there) ...but if you ask me he looks like a well dressed bear

The week in movies

We're trying to take advantage of our long vacation and catching the odd film I missed in the cinemas and watching them on DVD.

I finally caught Rock On ( i can't do a review because I know that I'm possibly the last person to see the movie) and think it's a very well made movie. Farhan Akhtar makes a promising debut and everyone else does not to bad. Akhtar's voice is scratchy but you grow to like it. I liked the sneak references to The Eagles like the 'we were just on a break line' or naming Arjun Rampal's character after The lead guitarist in the Eagles ...smart. I like that.

I also watched the MTV produced 'Stop-Loss' Ryan Philippe is putting together an impressive list of movies starting with Crash moving to Breach and now Stop-Loss. The movie deals with the US government policy of redrafting it's soilders back into the war after they've completed their service. The moves ends with a note saying that out of the 6,75000 (can you believe the number?) who served in Iraq and Afghanistan about 80,000 were stop-lossed and sent back. The movie deals with Ryan Philippe's character that refuses to go back and frantically looks for options to fight the rule. The movie has a strong supporting cast and I thought it made for good viewing.

Music Review: Belle & Sebastian: The BBC sessions

Belle & Sebastian will get you laid...don't believe me? well burn your lady a mix tape of their best numbers and I guarantee she'll willingly open her legs (wide) and let you stick two fingers in her vulva and lick the sticky juice of your fingers (er...its the book I'm reading really it's messed me up). This is 'sensitive guy' music...chicks dig this kind of shit...trust me. So, while the music is just awesome and great for those romantic evenings I've kind of left the sensitive guy thing and now walk around with a foul mood most of the time. So silverchair and the Sex on fire gang are welcome but Belle and Sebastian has to sit the round out.

But, because I try to give a non-biased review I guess the music is something you and your better half can enjoy. The CD mostly covers their greatest hits but has got some songs I haven't heard before. Also the production quality on the CD is massive. You can hear each instrument trickle through (or it's just that I have a really good player) the new ones that I hadn't heard before 'Like Dylan in the movies' 'Shoot the sexual athlete' & 'My girl's got miraculous technique' are top notch. However my favorite B&S song is 'The state I am in' (second is the Boy with the arab strap..not on the CD) and it plays really swell on the tracks.

What really sucks is that the UK version comes with a live from Belfast CD as well with covers of 'Here comes the sun and the Bowie classic 'I'm waiting for the man' ...rats!

Recommended ...especially if you're swimming in the seas of puppy love or sharing a bottle of wine with that special someone or just looking to get laid via music (i feel like such a mid-wife)

Music Review: Radiohead. In Rainbows

The disclaimer is I never thought (and still don't) that Radiohead could be looked at the successors to the greatest band in the world (the reigning kings are U2 and if you are a doubter you are dead to me). I've tried sitting through many of their CDs - The bends, OK computer, Hail to the thief and all straight in the puke bucket. Sure they've had some good numbers but who doesn't these days?

However In Rainbows has really surprised me (am I selling out?) its been almost a year since I got my hands on the downloaded songs and I just kept going back to it. There's the surreal 'House of cards' (is it just me or doesn't the video do full justice to the song?) I love the line "I don't want to be your friend, I just want to be your lover, no matter how it ends no matter how it starts" and the frantic 'Jigsaw falling into places' the get your feet tapping 'reckoner' 'Bodysnatchers' 'Nude' & Video tape complete a solid piece of work. It's a must for any music lover's collection and I've gone and picked up the CD (it sounds so much better than pay what you can download crap) . Though the CD artwork has a bunch of stickers ...a DIY make your own CD cover (wtf? I didn't pay $21 to make my own stuff assholes)

But the music well...I fear Radiohead is starting to grow on me...a part of me is finally a phoney but in my defence this is good stuff to sell out to.

Highly recommended - will definitely make any top 10 list for the year

Music Review: Silverchair - Young Modern

I've been waking up early for the past couple of weeks and going on 5 k runs almost everyday. Each lap is about 700 meters and I time the fastest lap for the week and the rest of time I attempt to break it. Ive noticed that the best times are achieved when the song 'Straight Lines' by Silverchair starts to play on the player. I went back and checked the other site and I've never done a review for Silverchair's 'Young Modern' which is strange because the tape is uplifting and can put you in an adrenalin fueled mood.

They also count among my favourite bands and one of the best things from Down Under. The lead singer Daniel Johns is wrongly called Mr. Natalie Imbruglia (Ek Imrugli anek Imgruglia). Mr Johns has a rocker identity of his own which he's carefully groomed over time and maybe Gavin Rossdale or Mr. Gwen Stefani should take some tips.

Coming back to Young Modern I can guarantee if 'Straight Lines' is the song you get ready to then you'll have a fantastic day because it puts you in a great mood. What's also amazing about this song is the back story about Daniel Johns. He battled arthritis, depression and anorexia and this song is his wake up call to fight all of that.

"Wake me up lower the fever Walking in a straight line Set me on fire in the evening Everything will be fine Waking up strong in the morning Walking in a straight line Lately I’m a desperate believer But walking in a straight line"

The Cd opens with 'Young Modern Station' ...the lyrics read about his condition from one sickness to another but only if you paid attention will you notice it otherwise its just a great song to sway to.
Reflections of a sound starts of with the line 'In the sun we are found to be reflections of a sound' the song slows down the tempo that gets built by Straight Lines.

Another favourite in young modern is 'The man that new too much' I love the beat the 'dan dan dan' that is sprinkled liberally through the song. Other stand out numbers are: Those thieving birds, waiting all day, Insomnia and Mind reader.

In the production notes Daniel Jones thanks his wife Bono and everyone who bought their records.

You're welcome.

Music Review: Kings of Leon - Only By the night

Been following this band since their A-ha shake heartbreak days and the albumn was good but you'd move on a couple of months later.
...and then came 'Because of the times' and man! I loved the CD. Picked it up late in 2007 and had it on repeat for a long long time. The first 12 songs in the CD are solid. 'Ragoo' 'Camaro' 'Charmer' 'On call' 'Fans' were solid hits and great music to have in the background of a wild house party. Caleb Followil the lead singer has a real unique voice...I mean you can recognize a KoL song even if you haven't heard it before just by listening to his voice.

and I'm ashamed to say that instead of following my own instincts I listened to Liam Gallagher who said in an interview early this year that he didn't think too highly of their new CD 'Only by the night' . Sorry Liam you're off by a mile. This is a fantastic picece of work...the U2 The Edge inspired guitars continue but that isn't a bad thing at all. It's easy to find your favourite song on the CD. It has to be 'Sex on Fire'. Followil sings it with an urgency that conjures up images of the sex being on fire as we listen. Super. The first single Closer followed by Crawl, the two Somebody songs and the finale Cold Desert (slow bluesy and leaves you with a good feeling long after the CD is done) make this a must listen. The CD artwork is nothing great...it tries to be funky but you can't make out anything that's written unless you squint and stand under a bright light.

Recommended.

Stalker in review

In Bananafish world there have been some stalkers...mostly stalkers serve as an ego massage but sometimes real twisted. Apparently I now have a stalker in S'pore. (word of advice: take your email Id's off your blogs...you don't know what creep will start to mail you)

Which brings us to the stalker for this season. No doubt this person has discernible taste. Here, was the subject just having a regular day-dream (not erotic mind you, that thing in the trousers is just creases...) on the train and this person who goes by the email id 'take_my_flower' notices me and clicks a photo with noone finding out and then goes home and mails it to me with a note. Should I be creeped out? Apart from double locking my doors I have been generally amused

So, on conducting the best covert operation involving I, bananafish gives the stalker 2 thumbs up for effort and catching me unaware.

Like a lollipop

$ 250 at the music store picking up new age music and then I come home and listen to a downloaded song on loop....priceless. But dang! the song Od's on auto tune but is so damn addictive.
Listen to it..it gets stuck in the head...like a lollipop

Movie Review: Yes Man

Inspired by this movie I went on a 1 month journey saying Yes. But that's a story from a life we've left behind. Let's concentrate on the review.

Is it good? Well it's patchy but when it works it really works. We live in depressing times. Terrorists, bombs, recessions, lay-offs. What the world needs right now is a comedy with Jim Carrey that leaves you with a smile on your face and this movie delivers the goods no doubt about it. Sure I admit all the funny bits are in the trailer (except for the one featuring a grandma Carrey can't say No to)

The movie combines the early bits of The Mask (where he plays a down and out type) and then strays into Liar Liar territory. Carrey looks visibly old but man! I've missed watching a comedy with him in it. It's been a while hasn't it?

What really goes for the movie is a strong supporting cast. With Zooey Deschanel playing his love interest, his hilarious boss and his guy bonding friends and Carrey can hold a note (watch for the nod at the Beatles after he's done playing the guitar)

The soundtrack is light (it's by the Eels) throw in some digs at homeland security and a dig at the Yes guru and voila! a perfect movie for that super long 2 week weekend.

Recommended. Go laugh your self silly you need it.

Trust me

I love this song

Mark my words; the song 'The Wrestler' by Bruce Springsteen is going to win the Oscar for Best original song. It's right up there with 'Streets of Philadelphia' (my favourite song for a gloomy day.)

Sublime, just simply brilliant.




Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free?
If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-legged dog making its way down the street?
If you've ever seen a one-legged dog then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you've ever seen a one-armed man then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me, I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one-legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you've ever seen a one-legged man then you've seen me...

Music Review: Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever ago

What makes the album more interesting is the back story of Justin Vernon that preceded the recording of this really soulful CD . First his band broke up, then he fell really sick and then the bright cherry on top of his depressed cake – his girlfriend dumped him. Distraught he hauled a bunch of musical instruments to a log cabin up in the hills where he spent 3 months recording For Emma, Forever Ago…imagine three months all by himself in the middle of winter and coming up with the lyrics and music. Listen to ‘Skinny Love’ it’s a song Nick Drake would be proud of…a song that Damien Rice would slit his throat for not coming up with before. Fan’fucking’tastic.The other classico track is 'For Emma' comes close to being the best on the CD but just about loses out to Skinny Love The solitary existence of this one man band comes shining through in every track. It’s almost as if the winter and the log cabin become members in the band. (The name Bon Iver is a take on the French word ‘Bon Hiver’ which means Good winter…it sure as hell was a good winter for Mr. Vernon)

Trackback to Flume the first song on the CD. It really sets the bar for what is to follow. At times the lyrics jar or are muffled because of the conditions under which it was recorded but it adds to the earthiness of the album. Other strong track on the CD like ‘Lumpsum’ ‘Blindsided’ is the perfect kind of music to hear on a melancholic depressed day (you may be Ms. Cheerios but we all have our bad day and the mind craves this sort of music).

Two thumbs up and also a sure shot recepie for success…fight with your friends, fall ill, get your girlfriend to dump you and….hey! I’m almost there.

Music Review: The Verve: This is music: The Singles 92 – 98

This is the greatest hits albumn from The Verve with two previously unreleased tracks thrown in for added pleasure. Bittersweet Symphony was the song that defined the 90’s. The sight of Richard Ashcroft walking with a devil may care attitude defined our times in that decade. Over the years many of their hits have made their way to movie soundtracks like the brilliant‘Lucky Man’ or the wonderfully suicidal ‘The drugs don’t work’. In this 14 track CD there is not a single moment where you feel the need to skip a track. This is a top CD. Give a listen to ‘Slide Away’ its fantastic and even the best of Oasis doesn’t come close to this track. The new single ‘Monte Carlo’ is all drums and has a beat that keeps you going (in fact their new CD 'Forth' shares a lot of similarities with this song. ‘She’s a superstar’ and the track ‘This is music’ are so damn good with great lyrics and greater soul. I wonder why ‘So sister’ didn’t make the final cut in the CD.

In between all the news of the ‘Brit-pop’ battle between Blur and Oasis we all forget that the true kings of the Brit scene were and still remain The Verve.

Full marks and highly recommended.

Postscript: And if you love the Bittersweet Symphony then do check out the video for 'Drugs don't work'...it starts at the point where BS. Symphony ends. Funky.
..and if you're new to The Verve did you know that 'Lucky Man was one of the songs Bono had wished he had written .

In the same interview U2 lists down the songs they had wished they had written / composed:

• Larry Mullen Jr. wishes he wrote: The Chemical Brothers - "Block Rockin' Beats"
• Adam Clayton wishes he wrote: Soul II Soul - "Back To LIfe"
• The Edge wishes he wrote: Oasis - "Wonderwall"
• Bono wishes he wrote: Bob Dylan & Sam Shepherd - "Brownsville Girl", Massive Attack - "Unfinished Sympathy" Oasis - "Live Forever" Gavin Friday - "The Last Song I'll Ever Sing" The Verve - "Lucky Man" Emm Gryner - "Almighty Love"

Do you feel enlightened?

Story review: The curious case of Benjamin Button

The David Fincher directed Pitt / Blanchett film is going to hit theaters at the end of the year. Curious about the weird story of a man born old and getting younger I read the short story on which the film is based. The story is written by F. Scott Fitzgerald regarded as one of the greatest of the 'lost generation' of authors.

The story sits well in a Best of Roald Dahl omnibus...it's that weird. It's also sad and tragic. You're amused at how disdainfully Benjamin treats his father and then read in fascination how he and his grandfather become close friends, you read about how he gradually becomes younger, serves in the war, get's married, has children, runs a successful business, grows younger, dances the best in the room, gradually losing his manly appearance and becoming baby faced by the day. (There's a pathetic scene with B. Button and a general's uniform...you feel for the chap)

The case is curious no doubt. The bit where his son asks him, a 15 year old looking Benjamin Button to call him uncle is very vivid. I won't tell you more lest I spoil the end for you.

But Fitzergald gets top stars for weaving a very imaginative story that spans decades and reads in a matter of minutes. I am curious again to see how the film will shape up because the trailer looks very different from the story.

Be the judge yourself. Here is the story 'The curious case of Benjamin Button' do read it and when you do watch the movie compare the two and see the difference.

Music Review: The Killers. Day & Age.

Are we Human or are we dancer? It's a question, Brandon Flowers from The Killers asks in all earnestness in the dizzyingly good 'Human'. Day & Age is the third album by this American Rock band and should have been a powerful follow up to Hot Fuss (2004) unlike Sam's town which was full of forgettable songs. Day & Age has one hit after another. The tempo never lets up right from Human both musically and lyrically

"Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well"

it heads straight to 'Spaceman' ..I just want to dance the tic-tac-toe to this one. It's a great dance number, it's an ode to abduction by Aliens

"The song maker says, "It ain't so bad"
The dream maker's going make you mad
The spaceman says, "Everybody look down!
Its all in your mind!"

. As a band they reserve all their energy for the piano orgasmic single 'Dustland Fairytale.'

"Out here the good girls die.
Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep
It's such a bitter form of refuge
Ah, don't you know the kingdom's under siege
And everybody needs you
Is there still magic in the midnight sun?
Or did you leave it back in sixty-one?

The piano's go absolutely crazy on that one. Neon Tiger is a great set and 'Joyride' completes a super ride in this Day & Age. The Killer's finish off by saying goodbye in 'Goodnight Travel well'

The CD truly deserves it's number 1 spot the world over. I've been listening to the songs for a month now.

Head to a store and rediscover your earphones.

Oh yeah great CD artwork and a funky bubble wrapped CD to boot.

Music Review - Call and Response

Maroon 5 have a little surprise in store for you. Their new CD ‘Call and Response’ absolutely rocks. Before you go ‘wait a minute…new CD??' Allow me to clarify. M5 has assembled their favourite artists to do a remix on their songs from ‘Songs about Jane’ and ‘It won’t be soon before long’. But, while the lyrics are the same the music is completely different.

And what a line up they have to impress us! There’s Mark Ronson (who did such a wonderful job mixing Radiohead not so long back) doing a brilliant remix and adding Mary J Blige to the vocals. Absolutely super!. Then Pharrell Williams from N.E.R.D goes lo-fi for ‘She will be loved’ . Rihanna joined the Maroon 5 boys in a sexed up version of ‘If I never see your face again’ Paul Oakenfold remix that brings the house down there’s a hip hop version of the song on the CD as well. Indie Rockers Of Montreal lend their spinning talents to ‘Little of your time’ and David banner slows things down in ‘Wake up call’
But the best track on the CD is ‘Goodnight Goodnight’ the song sounds absolutely dreamy. I wonder what that instrument is that plays that funny sound through the song. It’s a fantastic number.

Overall a pleasant surprise...I didn’t think it would be that good but the CD truly gets you on your feet in a weird way. You want to sing along to the lyrics but the music is unfamiliar.

Two Thumbs up

Music Review: Collaborations by Sinéad O'Connor

In my all time Top 10 list of songs is the brilliant Sinéad O'Connor song ‘You made me a thief of your heart’ written by Bono & Gavin Friday the tune and the song stays with you long after the movie ends (it won the Oscar for Best Original Song the year it was out) . Connor’s strong vocals are a testament to what a great singer she is and how her paranoia has resulted in her career being in cold storage for some time now. Collaborations charts the bands and artists she has collaborated with over the years and this is a heady mix of good if not great music. I’ve been looking for this CD for a couple of years now. I’ve heard the more popular ones but it’s the one’s I didn’t get to hear that really pleasantly surprise.

My favourite song on the CD is the one called ‘Heroine’ where she collaborates with none other than The Edge to deliver a real soulful hit. This is followed by “I’m not your baby’ a collaboration with U2 – in this song it’s the first and only time where Bono sounds like someone’s bitch. Check out how our main chick Sinead owns the song with Bono sounding more like a back-up vocalist. (Why so many collaborations with U2 you ask? Well they discovered her in a contest and over the years she’s shared a love-hate-hate relationship with the band. The other collaborations that truly rock are: Guide Me God with Ghostland, 1000 mirrors with Asian Dub Foundation ‘Up in arms with Aslan’ and Special Cases by the massive Massive Attack. In fact this is a strong 17 set album. A must for any music lover’s collection and well worth the wait. Available via Capitol Records.

PostScript: And do please give a listen to You made me a thief of your heart. The heart soars briefly in the last minute and thirty seconds.

Film Review: The Chaser

Easily the best foreign film I have had the pleasure of watching this year. The Chaser is a worthy follow-up to Old Boy – my favourite Asian Film. Old-Boy really set the bar high for gruesome thrillers and The Chaser more or less follows the format laid down by the former. In The Chaser the similarities are vague but are still important. Like the use of a hammer (trust me you’ll never look at that instrument the same way again after watching both films) or the fact that most of the characters have absolutely no redeeming quality about them.

The lead actor in The Chaser is an ex-cop who pimps prostitutes all over Seoul, his girls keep disappearing on him and he’s convinced that they’re just running away. There’s nothing likeable about him as he orders a girl down with a fever to go on a job or ordering his sidekick around. But somewhere the goodness in him shines though once in a while when, in once scene he beats up a customer who whacks out one of his girls…but in the next scene he’s counting the money he took from the customer.

The story really takes off when the psychopath enters the picture and the way all the pieces of the jigsaw fall into place. How every little thing you see neatly ties up in the end. The violence is a shocker but can be funny at times (check out the scene where he hits a guy in the head with a chair just as the person is chuckling and sitting down) but the end result is a brutal brutal film.

The 7 year old daughter of the last missing prostitute breaks your heart with a scene stealing performance that no Dakota Fanning ‘I am sam’ character can pull off.

The psychopath plays his role with a cool broodiness and goes about his ‘tasks’ in an almost uniform way. The first scene where he kills is set in a Saw I like bathroom and I swear you’ll get the Goosebumps as he nonchalantly goes about it. Creepy as hell what makes you absolutely detest him is that he is a wimpy little fucker to boot.

The end like Old Boy is a shocker, these Koreans are not for nice happy endings I’ve noticed.

I have a weakness for Korean Thrillers. If you ask me they’re much more believable and real than their Hong Kong counterparts (barring Infernal Affairs I II and III). Get watching. The Chaser will definitely be on your Top 5 for the year.


Trust me.

Postscript: DiCaprio and the writer of The Departed are in early talks to get the movie re-made in English.

Elbow and The Seldom Seen Kid story

Elbow was reviewed early this year and I gave them the title of Best Brit-Indie band for their CD 'The Seldom Seen Kid'. Having beaten Radiohead (for In Rainbows) to the Mercury Prize early this year Guy Garvey has been basking in the glory that 'the kid' has brought him.

It took 17 years to get here..that makes them the longest struggling good Indie band to hit the big time (I own all their CDs and Cast of Thousands their earlier CD is really really special). When the album starts off with 'Starlings' you know you're listening to great music. and when 'Grounds for Divorce' kicks in this album absolutely breaths fire. The violins on 'One day like this' can make your knees go weak.

Read Guy Garvey's interview in the Guardian here

**and some 'strange but true' facts about Elbow:

1 In the early days of the band, Guy Garvey's temper tantrums were such that the rest of the band took him to one side and said that if he continued being so unreasonable he would be out. He has remained a calm and reasonable man ever since.

2 John Cale selected Elbow's 'Switching Off' as one of his eight records on Desert Island Discs.

3 Elbow were the first British band to perform a concert in Cuba outside of Havana. Government agents followed the band throughout their stay.

4 Among the band's unlikely cover versions is 'Independent Women' by Destiny's Child.

5 Garvey has recently taken to bird watching, with fellow twitcher and beardy frontman Jimi Goodwin from Doves.

** taken from another Guardian article**

Music Review - Long-View: Mercury

Just when you think you're done with discovering new Indie bands you chance about this gem!. Say Hello to Long-View and their breakthrough CD called 'Mercury' The first single on the CD is called Further and it is singularly responsible for the good mood all around. Great lyrics sung with a good voice and a truly great band this single shall play in my house for many a month. And, while the rest of the CD is super it never quite matches the spell that 'Further' puts you under.

"And the same when autumn comes
Cold Air I breathe in my lungs
Something's new but nothing's changed
Familiar feelings just the same

Soon too the warm air comes by
Lie back and stare at blue skies
Thinking back away and from
When I'll be here and you'll be gone

The rest of the CD has some stellar stuff. Most songs have a similar feel. It looks like the song is going to end and then it just jams up all over again. 'Can't explain' 'Still' and the last song on the CD 'Will you wait here' (which sounds a lot like The Verve) is really good stuff. Very rare to find the best way to go about the CD is to download of Itunes or get your neighbourhood HMV to order you a copy. Guaranteed not to dissapoint...trust me.


"....love will save our light and we'll come shining bright..."

Movie Review: Zack and Miri make a porno

The most X rated potty mouth movie of the year. The tempo rarely slags and you're chuckling from one gag (haha?) to the next. It's only when the movie tries to get all sentimental and romantic does it start to lose a bit of your interest but overall the movie gets a two thumbs up.

Craig Robinson as Seth Rogen's co-worker chews up the scenery and rocks in every scene that he is in. Towards the end of the movie he hilariously fights with his wife and starts to slap around her sagging breasts to emphasize why no one will sleep with her.

The introduction of 'Bubbles' the porn star makes you want to gag (haha?) laughing and the scene with Jason Mewes (of Jay and Silent bob fame) teaching Seth Rogen to 'mutually mastrubate' without touching each other is bloody funny...I mean really laugh out loud funny mostly because Mewes is dead serious about it. Justin Long (from the Macbook ads) and Brandon Routh (Superman) playing a gay couple make one hilarious cameo that kickstarts Zack's plan to make a porno.

But the award from most gross out laugh out loud scene of the year has to go to the one that features a constipated porn star, anal sex and a dedicated cameraman positioned to capture a delicate angle not so delicately. You'll know the scene when you see it.

Funny movies these days are hard to come by and Zack and Miri is a great addition to your DVD collection and one to watch many years on.

Don't miss this one

Music Review: The Holy Pictures

What do you feel when you hear the term 'DJ'? You know what I'm talking about. You'll picture turn tables, headphones, a large sweaty mass of people dancing and the speakers making the seams of your trosuers quiver. Right? Well meet David Holmes who takes that term and turns it on the heel.

Picked this guy up on a whim because I have a hard-on for interesting CD covers and I'm glad I do because this CD is really good. (another one of those 'I took ten years to make' tapes) When the 'story of Ink' starts to play you'll find your leg just break into a tap. The songs Holy Pictures', 'The Ballad of Sarah and Jack', 'Kill Her With Kindness' are suitably mellow and full of beats and rhythms. As a whole the CD is uneven. The good songs are good and the bad ones can be awfully boring...you'll find yourself itching (so itchy) to change the track or maybe switch to another CD altogether.

Recommended but, I suggest you just scour around for the songs mentioned above.

Music Review: The Chinese Democracy

A decade and a half in the making, millions of dollars, very many band members and very many false starts later the much talked about Guns and Roses CD 'The Chinese Democracy' made a quiet appearance in early November.

Guns and Roses form great memories of early school life. There was a special thrill in rolling down the windows and blasting 'Paradise City' at top volume while driving.

With all the news over the past couple of years about how Axl Rose fretted and worried about the proper composition of songs and getting the music right it is safe to assume that the CD was bound for failure.

I was wrong. The Chinese Democracy is easily the loudest angst filled album I have heard this year , the CD by the Futureheads 'This is not the world' had that title previously (sample 'The beginning of the twist' - it's loud!) . In Democracy sample 'I.R.S'. The song literally becomes louder as it progresses and screams of self - pity, frustration and resignation at the delays in getting this album out

"Wouldn't be the first time I been wrong Wouldn't be the last time I should've Known With all the rumours I could tell, Some things didn't work so well"

and much later in the same song he goes:

"I bet you think I'm doing this all for my health I should've looked again babe at somebody else Feelin' like I'm done way more than wrong Feelin' like I'm livin' inside of this song Feelin' like I'm just too tired to care Feelin' like I done more than my share Could it be the way that I carried on Like a broken record for so long"

Each song is near epic. It's almost like the band is made up of dozens of guitars and drums. What's the amazing bit is that Axl rose sounds like...well the Axl Rose of yore. 'Madagascar' 'Better' 'If the world' are the best songs on the CD.

Highly recommended...although if you're going to take 13 years to make a CD and it sounds just like you did all those years back it serves as a good blast from the past but fails to break new ground.

A new day at midnight

Towards the end of The Truman show the two security guards are sad to see the show end...seconds later one guard asks the other to look at the TV guide and see what else is on...subtle but shows how life goes on.

I think you're going to have a 'let's see what else is on' moment right now.

If you've followed the writing on this blog you'll know I've been elated about going back home and how it would finally put my mood swings to rest...a brand new start. The trip got canceled..still an orphan after three years woo-hoo!, it's officially knocked the wind out of Bananafish's sails.

Two years back when I started writing I put everything in here....the humour, the sadness, the passion I felt for the women I dated, the books, music, films, the funny incidents. It kept me sane and I thought it made me a better person.

...let's re-evaluate that once again. The temper is still there, I still struggle to maintain any relationship, still no place I can call home, still bite the nails, still smoke, still bankrupt at the end of the month, still cocky and still holding on to the belief that I'm an island.

We've never left square one ever. I thought I did but if you look closer we've not evolved one single bit.

and so we end. Over the past couple of weeks we've realized that this note was coming and it saddened me..in-fact I choke a bit as I write this but there's nowhere else to go from here...we've failed at making this life work.

My name is Akshay Pratap Singh Deo and this is the last you'll hear from me. I hope you've enjoyed the ride.

Goodnight.

Through the walls we hear the city groan..

I've had Bullet the blue sky on repeat this week. It's the most uneasy song on any U2 tape. With many favorite songs I make a video of the song in my head. In this one it's a churn of people standing at a train station, hundreds of thousands waiting for a train going nowhere and then there's an Angel complete with wings wrestling with Lucifer at the edge of a cliff where a huge fire rages down below and the angel slips and falls into the valley and just at the last moment the angel's face becomes the devils before the flames engulf him.

I've now added a rubber dinghy carrying an assortment of men making its way to the shores of a city with the rudder cutting through the water...making its way to the churn of people at the station.

All this runs through my head when I listen to the song. The solemness and the tragic premonition that comes...the uneasiness. That's what I feel... something's going to happen that's going to affect a whole lot of people. The uneasiness of change we may not want.

We took bananafish and visited a temple after almost three years and surprisingly it was the first time I didn't pray for apsd or for something I wanted. I prayed for others..many others. I prayed for a strength that would make others stronger.


"Man breathes into saxophone , through the walls we hear the city groan.."

Outside is India...

Grammy Predictions

Early this year in a massive paw licking moment I scored big in my Oscar predictions so let’s see if I can carry on the streak with the Grammy Awards for '08

The nominations were announced early Thursday and here are my probable winners along with a likely contender. (How, The Verve did not get nominated even for one award is beyond me)

Album of the Year
Likely: Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends

Record of the Year
Likely: M.I.A. - “Paper Planes”
Contender: Adele - “Chasing Pavements”

Best New Artist
Likely: Adele
She’s going to win hands down

Song of the Year
Likely: “I’m Yours” - Jason Mraz, songwriter (Jason Mraz)
Contender: “Chasing Pavements” - Adele Adkins & Eg White, songwriters (Adele)

Best Rock Album
Likely: Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends
Contender: Kid Rock - Rock N Roll Jesus

Best Rock Song
Likely: Coldplay - “Violet Hill”
Contender: Death Cab for Cutie - “I Will Possess Your Heart ”

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
Likely: Coldplay - “Violet Hill”
Contender: Radiohead - “House Of Cards”

Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance
Likely: John Mayer - “Gravity” from Where The Light Is — Live In Los Angeles
Contender: Eddie Vedder - “Rise”

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
Likely: OneRepublic - “Apologize”
Contender: Maroon 5 - “Won’t Go Home Without You”

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance
Likely: Adele - “Chasing Pavements”
Contender: Sara Bareilles - “Love Song”

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance
Likely: Kid Rock - “All Summer Long”
Contender: Jason Mraz - “I’m Yours”

Best Alternative Music Album
Likely: Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Contender: Beck - Modern Guilt

Emergency Response Procedures

One of my roles is to document the Emergency Response Procedure for the office. So far it’s been responsible for a lot of jokes in the office. After all Singapore is regarded as the safest city in the world. Yet, we have a procedure in place to deal with everything from a tsunami to a terrorist attack. The document has contact details, roles, crisis numbers and provision for a emergency control room.

Imagine an office of about a couple of dozen have in place a procedure that will in all probability save lives.

In addition to this we have safety training for the office. Today I felt a warm glow when my colleague on holiday messaged from India. He was in a cab caught between the crossfire between the cops and the terrorists in Bombay. As the message rambled to an end he said Sai Baba saved him and the safety training, for added emphasis he repeated the safety training saved him.

Suddenly all those joked cracked at my expense was all ok. When the time came it mattered and that’s all I care about.

This got me thinking about my country. How come, it takes a huge colossal fuck-up to knee jerk the government into setting up stuff. The sight of our black cat commandos arriving on a BEST bus hours late is cringe worthy. Did you see even a single stretcher in the broadcasts? The public were using carts to carry injured people around. The water in the fire trucks were not enough to douse the flames. Roles and responsibilities were set up in real time. Because some politician wanted to prolong his career the NSG guards were asked to ‘hurry up’ with the mission. A cop in Singapore invokes a mixture of fear and awe. A cop in India reminds me of a well fed cow. Fear is what is needed. You need cops who can react with a brutality that will make people think twice.

Governments all over the world have what is called ‘scenario planning’ the most absurd scenarios are accounted for. It’s a shame that our country does not have one. Emergency Response procedures list out what happens between the incident and the hours that follow. It will tell you how, who, when and in how much time will the response will kick in

Companies like mine are leading the way. The big scenarios all have a ER procedure in place to deal with them. I wonder how many countries and state governments have ER procedures that can kick in soon. Apparently the financial capital of India doesn't have one...shocking.

Instead of having ‘an unnamed official’ give credence to a rumor or multiple sources give a different account of incidents. There is a panel that talks to the media, with authorities, with the public, with the army etc. This helps is proper information flow and less confusion.

In such a large country its practically impossible to stop a terrorist attack…eventually one will sneak in. Getting a certain percentage of employees in our companies trained via the Territorial Army system could be an answer (you can volunteer on your own if you want to serve your country). It’s so easy actually, corporate India just needs to push for a law that says in a company of say 1000 people a certain percentage of people will be army trained.. Make civilians serve their country for a couple of months. This way among the public we have trained individuals that can minimize a calamity by just being there.

When 9/11 happened it was you have to admit pure evil genius and now with 26/11 you got to say that these are scenarios one could have never imagined. What next now? Well unless someone in the higher –ups thinks of crazy absurd genius plans and emergency response procedures to counter them.

We need to hold the companies we work for accountable for our safety. Do you have a fire exit? Do your Fire extinguishers work? Do you know what to do in case of an evacuation? If you don’t then you need to have dialogue with your company. Get trained in first aid..red cross runs real cheap and effective courses across the world, fire safety..just spending 2 days with your city's fire fighting team can teach you skills that will come in handy ...insist with your company that this is important.
It is said very many times 'don't try to be a hero' ...maybe the time has come that we all choose to be everyday heroes.

You never know what you do today might save a life tommorow.

Stay Safe

If you're gonna fuck around at least be smart about it. Hope you'll be around to see the 50'th Anniversary of World Aids Day.
Stay Safe.

The Tonight show with BananaFish

From Wikipedia:
Following the attacks of September 11, 2001, The Tonight Show was off the air for about a week, as were most similar programs. The first post-9/11 episode began with a still image of an American flag and a subdued opening without the usual opening credits. Leno's monologue paid tribute to those who lost their lives and to firefighters, police and rescue workers across the US. Leno had questioned whether a show that regularly poked fun at the government could continue after the attacks, but in his monologue he explained that he saw the show as a respite from the grim news of the world, akin to a cookie or glass of lemonade handed to a firefighter.

Now I’m no J. Leno and I sure as hell don’t feel much of a patriot sitting in an armchair in another part of the world and passing judgements on how we should run things and not actually doing anything about it…just a quiet impotent rage as I watch grainy videos of maximum city burning. I'm sure you're having an equally tough time dealing with the tragedies we're seeing unfolding all I have to offer is a glass of lemonade for you as a respite from the grim news of the mayhem in Bombay that you keep changing channels to.


This week got me thinking about Iron Mike. How would Mr. Tyson deal with the terrorists? Well considering what he had to say about a visit to the zoo with his then wife:

"I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined.”

I think Iron Mike is just the kind of person we need to unleash hell on terrorists. I mean hey he can take on a silverback gorilla…and be willing to pay for it.

This reminds me of a visit to Paltan Bazar, Dehradun in the early nineties. My mum, dad and I were walking along in those crowded alleys till suddenly we came across a clearing where there were a whole lot of bulls milling around. One bull took a special liking to my mum and reached out to head butt her. Bad Idea. Really bad. My mother let out a little shriek and my father turned around. For a second or two he looked at the bull squarely in the eye and then sent a right handed fist flying in the direction of the bull.

The bull got the full force of that bone crunching fist right in it’s cud chewing jaw. Bam!. The bull tottered for a brief couple of seconds and then wham! Landed on its side trying very hard to get up and failing miserably. I was too shocked to talk and it was only much later in the car ride back we broke into a whole lot of guffaws. I don’t think many of you have seen a bull land on its side with a thud. It can be the funniest thing you’ll see in a while…that is if the dust settles quickly.

We need more folks like my father around. You head butt innocent civilians we fucking take you down.

Lest we forget how fragile we are...

Bhagwa or the saffron colour denotes renunciation of disinterestedness. Our leaders must be indifferent to material gains and dedicate themselves to their work. The white in the centre is light, the path of truth to guide our conduct. The green shows our relation to soil, our relation to the plant life here on which all other life depends. The Ashoka Wheel in the centre of the white is the wheel of the law of dharma. Truth or satya, dharma or virtue ought to be the controlling principles of those who work under this flag. Again, the wheel denotes motion. There is death in stagnation. There is life in movement. India should no more resist change, it must move and go forward. The wheel represents the dynamism of a peaceful change."

Gloomy Day

The bullet wound gives me an untimely death,
My life ebbs away like that river I once knew.....
The end is coming..........

Horses are a - running ...through my heart, a plain....
a wilderness gone insane,
Prozac cries the brain, all I hear is a screaming train.

Like a giant oak tree I come crashing down...
But there’s no earth to break my fall and
I keep falling down down underground

That abyss that is my earth cries out
"Where is that family you loved?"
"You are but a fool" she says, "without
any sense, try and make ammends, don't just stand there holding that leaky pen.
Pick up the phone and it will all be okay then."

In this world my only friend is a girl
I’ll never meet. In this life you will never know the real me..

The drug hits me like a train going ninety miles an hour.
When the dawn comes creeping in I’ll be gone to a place
they call Hell's kitchen...sitting on a stool
And plucking a chicken

My life is like the dregs in a coffee cup,
waiting for a lazy wipe up
Floating at the bottom ...not required, a distasteful memoir
Of a ghastly drink now lying half drunk in an empty sink.

The colourless rainbow that is my heart
blooms in a torrent of blood,

They say I’m a goner...they say I’m
dead...I know better the world is dead......

The End

Everything dies ..The end
Everything falls apart…The End
Crowns Tumble ,the cookie crumbles…the End
Banal Life ..the End
Stoned out wife...the End
Doctors scalpel, Blood...The end
Crematoriums , Graveyards ..The End.
Obituary’s and testaments...the End.
Son, daughter... The end
Mother, Father... the end
God, Cocaine... The end
The Hallucinating Toreador ..the end
Schizophrenic Cynic... the End.
Desolate beach, barren moors ..the End

….and I paint the END

Bedtime Stories

You know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for stories when you start talking about your bed but since it’s been a source for so many laughs of late then why the hell not.
I’ve never in my life had a comfy queen/ king size bed. All my life I’ve managed just fine on a single bed. The single bed is responsible for many a relationship coming to an end. After a while the ‘but honey it’s so cosy and intimate’ line doesn’t work any more. Since a child it was an army regulation single bed….in-fact post 1997 I can’t remember the last time I slept in a bed that fit my legs.

Even now my legs, ankles onwards stick out at the end….the gravity will only make me taller even post adolescence I console myself…and so it continues. Me sleeping for the last 28 years on beds that were made for people a couple of sizes smaller than I. Buy a bigger bed asshole stop wasting our time by making us read this crap. But, dear reader it isn’t that simple. A bigger bed is something I’m just not used to. You get excited about the beds in hotels huh? Well in my case I’ll sleep really badly and wake up in the morning not sprawled across the length of the bed but in a foetal position in the top left corner with a miserable headache. When we (me & the four voices in the head and apsd & bananafish) go travelling we only stay at backpackers not because I is cheap but because they have hard un-comfy single beds there that were made for weirdo's like I.

“That is why” my colleague Joe muses “…he is still a virgin…girls take one look at the bed and make a dash for the hills”…what they don’t know is that I think I’m done with the kitchen table baby

Errr… there’s more. My sleeping position is a poster for how to give yourself rickets. I sleep on my stomach. My left arm goes under and cradles the right cheek and my right arm lies vertically limp on the side (definitely not cosy and intimate for the other person).

As I write this I wonder if there are others who suffer from SB-STD (Single Bed – Syndrome Type Douchebags) maybe there are more like I who never ever graduated to a Queen Size bed. Maybe further research will show that all the people who suffer from the syndrome have emotional issues and are tough to get along with (also extremely persuasive and insistent on liking it cozy)…hmmm maybe we can be a secret society that will rival the Bed wetters Inc. society I started last month…

Lefties make better lovers...

My favourite Simpson’s episode is the one which has Ned Flanders opening up a store called Leftorium for Left handed Folks. The store almost goes out of business till Homer decides to help and as things go all of Springfield turns out to be Left Handed. (Matt Goering is left handed as well) . It was a hilarious episode and also made me wonder why the world isn’t kinder to us lefty’s. Why aren’t there more stores where the Left’s can go shop and buy things that work the right (ha ha?) way

It’s widely known that Left hander’s are creative and generally much ahead than there right handed counterparts in the field of arts. For such a smart bunch we get a raw deal in the world with things. We’re supposed to adjust to a right handed person’s world. Everything from scissors to the keyboard or to putting your wallet in the right pocket (we get conditioned it’s ridiculous to change it now) to tin openers. We have our moments I must say…like when a left handed batsman completely messes with a right handed bowler’s rhythm I can’t help but let out an evil cackle.

I don’t know if this is an Old Wives tale but still makes for interesting trivia if true. I heard it from a left handed uncle decades back (who, after a life of bitterness at being treated like a second class citizen to all the right hander’s around him shot himself in the right arm twice…once to kill it and the second time to make sure)
He had this to say:

Centuries ago the number of right handed people and left handed people in the world were the same. Over time as civilizations, cities and countries clashed when; the battles were fought first with sticks and then with swords and shields more left handed people died on the battle fields…this because, while the Right handed person held his sword in the right hand and shield in the left he could protect his heart easier than the Left handed solider who did it totally the other way around leaving his heart more vulnerable to attack.

So, over a considerable period of time the number of Left Handed genes diminished and hence the current imbalance.

Again, I don’t know if the above is true but still makes for a good story to tell huh?.

And so it goes just like the PC outsells the Mac even though the Mac is so much a better computer the left handers make do in a right handed world even though they’re a superior class of human….

You need her like a drug...

My love for Achtung Baby has been written about time and again on these pages. I fell in Love with the albumn when I was just eleven years old. Over time I have gone through dozens of tapes that have just spooled out from overuse and many scratched up CDs by just playing and replaying the songs. The fact that they almost broke up till Brian Eno took them to Berlin and in that studio our four Irish boys brought such creativity that in my opinion has not been seen since. Even now 17 years later when I hear the tracks it leaves me with a glow that I will never be able to describe. Over time the songs have meant different things to me at different points of time as a 11 year old ‘Even better than the real thing’ was the coolest song I’d heard, ‘Until the end of the world’ was everything that my first love was . Ultraviolet became the song to hear when we’d travel. ‘Love is blindness reminds me of every single heartbreak I’ve had. ‘The Fly’ is about the first pair of dark glasses I bought and drove at top speed feeling might chuffed, there's that woman who moves in 'Mysterious Ways' where The Edge brings his A-game...if you want to kiss the sky better learn how to kneel and there’s ‘One’.

But this note is not about Achtung Baby. It’s about my all-time favourite song which is from the album.

So cruel is a song that I have loved and loved some more. It’s Bono at his best. It’s the Edge’s guitar that pulls at your heart like no other, Its with lyrics made in heaven by angels who want you to have an out of body experience. It with a haunting violin played by Dutchess Nell Catchpole that plays in your mind long after the song is over.

It speaks volumes of the pain and hurt you feel and how you don’t let go till she does…

“We're cut adrift
We're still floating
I'm only hanging on
To watch you go down
My love…”

It tells the story of every bad day you have had, every time someone broke your heart, it reminds you of that cruel someone, it may remind you of when you were cruel to someone. It reminds me that we’re mortal, that we feel pain, love, cynicism, that when we are lied to or cheated on a part of us dies and never comes back.

"Desperation is a tender trap
It gets you every time
You put your lips to her lips
To stop the lie...

"Her skin is pale like God's only dove
Screams like an angel for your love
Then she makes you watch her from above
And you need her like a drug..."


It tells you again that you can’t forget her. It tells you she was the sweetest drug you ever had and yet she watches you from afar

"She wears my love like a see-through dress
Her lips say one thing
Her movements something else
Oh love, like a screaming flower
Love...dying every hour...love..."

Do you feel it? Her lips moving and you look on sadly and nod your head but know deep down inside that she’s lying to you and yet you don’t want to point it out….

…and for that one last moment you turn up the volume and fall on your knees and look up at the ceiling when those last lines kick in

"You don't know if it's fear or desire
Danger the drug that takes you higher
Head in heaven, fingers in the mire

Her heart is racing, you can't keep up
The night is bleeding like a cut
Between the horses of love and lust
We are trampled underfoot….."

Head in heaven and the fingers in the mire……

This one's called Naxalite...

I got my Permanent Residency done today. I can now come and go in the city as and when I like. It’s like a green card. I can now successfully apply in the Times of India Matrimonial column under the NRI section. I hope to get a homely wife who I then thrash mercilessly before she chops me up and becomes the subject for another Deepa Mehta film on domestic abuse. …I can’t wait.

The PR application story has been dragging on for a couple of months now. The normal average to get it processed is three months. In my case its taken six months….a subject of a running joke among my colleagues. Over tea Mr. Srivastav is at pains to point out how he applied after me and got it much before I did. So much for being royalty he grins. Another person patiently tries to explain why it took so long. ‘Maybe you have a skill set the country just doesn’t need’ What! You mean an out of work investment banker is more important to the country than the health and safety of the dozens who I am responsible for??? “Uh-huh” he nods. Damn.

I dragged my feet for a whole year before I finally applied and it’s wrong to finger point if someone else dragged their feet to process my application. So we swallow humble pie and grin-bear it and take a picture. With the application now I got a sense of ownership and today told somebody off for drinking on the train. In true Adrian Mole style I plan to start writing letters to the newspapers and the government on how they should do things better.

I like this country. It’s been mighty good to me. Sure it lulls you into a false sense of security and comfort but I’m aware of it and won’t let it get to my head but It annoys the living daylights out of me when people I meet go full-on criticizing the country and the miserable life they lead here and how they feel like they're in The Truman show blah blah…but these ones never leave. The moment they are under threat to go back it’s an all out bawl session "I love this place please don’t make me go back, please oh! gawd" I’ve seen it so many times. Crib Crib Crib. My only advice is stop blaming the city for your miserable life. Maybe you should check within to see why you aren’t having fun.

I’ve been isolated, alone, friendless, sad, depressed in this town and not once have I cursed the place. It’s my own doing and it’s mine to fix.

So I’m all logged in irrespective of a job or not for the next three years as I painstakingly try and put some money away for that still elusive dream….

...and we're taking the power and the land is ours....

Will you be the next APSD Idol?

And so it goes…week #3 in the APSD new maid auditions. The idea is to find a maid who can, not only make my trousers glow but also clean the house to a near sparkle. So far four maids have auditioned and I'm joined by my security guard Chandra who had been a judge in the proceedings as well.
To be honest I’m the Paula to Chandra’s Simon. While I’m reluctant to be critical (“You’re really nice and we love you but…”) Chandra has been more caustic in his analysis (“you iron worse than a fat lady doing the 110 meter hurdles”)
My lament on finding that perfect maid is pretty famous. A friend tells me ‘why don’t you try a maid with benefits” Huh? What is that I ask. It is, my friend informs me a maid who cleans up the house and then performs what he delicately called ‘a happy ending’. A happy ending for the lesser informed is a blow job. Apparently for that extra sum of money the maid will go the whole distance in providing excellent service.
“What if she bites?” I ask in a foolhardy attempt to act all knowing in front of my knowledgeable friend. “If she bites then fire her la” Ummm this is clearly a conversation that’s going nowhere.

The more I thought about it the more I figured it isn’t a workable idea. I mean how does it go? At the end of 2 hours forty five minutes she walks up and goes ‘all done where do you want it’ and then I shyly say ‘Uh…standing by the book shelf please’ and then what? What if I then see a speck of dirt on the television? Do I interrupt her and ask her to clean it up or wait for her to finish before I ask her to do so? If it’s the latter I’m going to be clearly distracted and not enjoy my truly grand book collection and if I do interrupt her I think that's downright rude you know. Or If I say ‘I’d like it on the bed please’ then that messes up the covers and does she tidy up again especially after she’s worked so hard to get the bed sheets all right and un-creased.
I take an eraser and rub out the other scenarios which all end in a question and sit through another painful session of watching a maid do such a shoddy job on my apartment or watch her painfully for five minutes as she tries to figure out how to use the vacuum cleaner. I’ll pay good money honest to god (without the happy ending rot) to get a maid who can make things alright.

So if you know anyone who wields an iron like a ninja please put me in touch with her. I shall kiss the ground you walk on